well now. i need to vent . write. draw. eat smoke. pray maybe. im not sure. all of the above. hmmm. am i getting anywhere. or am i really going anywhere. one is not sure. i cant afford to dig another hopeless failure in my own grave. right here right now. but im not sure. thats the problem with not knowing the future. and never regretting the past. it catches up with you while you loungin on the couch. just sittin there chillian. then you realize youve been on the ocuch kickin the crap jobs for 5 years already. where are you going. what are you doing. time to get serious. you have all these plans and ideas but no motivation to go forward. my lazy factor has kicked in. i applied to college got rejected. gotta try again but need a new job. need the cash im gunna be strapped for sure. already not gettin very far. had a breat fire under my ass. got these ideas and know where to go. but how am i gunna get here when i gotta pull strings farther each time i step forward. i gotta take 2 math classes asap to be registered by april. thats the deadline. its already feburary nearly. i need to buck up and shut up and figure out my path. i gotta learn to plan a little farther ahead in my life so im not like running around never knowing. i wanna go to school now. im ready. pretty sure. i can handle this then be on to 2 years of radio broadcasting then get  a job at a radio station for a couple years then get enough money to pay for the 9 month program at HiT. it will happen and it shall.