so heres the news. the strange turn of events that have tilted my world to a mere sideways angle. i lost my footing for a while. i had to reagin my blalance. basically i got a blow to the side of my emotional and relationship-al supports system. my girlfriend whom i love very dearly and muchly. decided that she did not want to come with me to vancouver. hmmm.
first reactions were cold. a strange series of events quickly made me draw a solution. it jsut so happend there was this girl . much more interesting, more cool, prolly even more hotter and i could of guess they might of been better in the b.e.d than i was. so what do you kow. the x is working night shift hours. as this goes down. so im at home chillian and she always comes home talking about how this mystery girl hangs out with her lots. and by lots i mean all nighters kind of thing. like as in my bo.s.s would walk in and see this girl here talking it up with the breakfast lady and the X. happended about 3 or 4 times i do believe. then this bomb is dropped in my area. BAM. i dont want to go to vancouver island with you. i want to stay with my fami.y i still love you. i dont want to hold you back. you can see other people. i want you to have fun. your better single than attached. a whirlwind of everytihng running thru my head. suddenly my radar is up. sketchy. i dont know. but i did know one thing. i was eventualy gonna break up with this girl and this girl dumped me. !!
i hav never had to work about getting over someone. usually i lose intrest and by the time the break up comes along im like oh yah p.s .. but here im just reeling. its like someone shot my leg and my foot. i collapse all inside. everything shuts down. everything is a mass amount of loss empty and confusion. i wish i was dreaming and it wasnt true. but everyday tells me that its every bit true. she moved out yesterday. still has one more load of stuff to bring to her new place. i feel mor empty now than ever. i got to go thru more boxes and stuff coz i gotta pack down for my trip to the coast.
now i really got to get away. i have to run so far away. and forget all tis ever happened. now i really feel destroyed and that this whole city and part of my life has just failed me. like there absolutley no sense being her.e she wats to be frineds. but were not friendsly type . in real life. she wou.ld'nt be my type. i would not choose to hang out with her and her frineds. she changed so much as a person for me. and she changed me too. it seems like she is settling nicely in to her pre me days. and its like i feel stuck in the mud. everydayi need an excuse for everything to make my self get out of bed. i really want to be in there right now. but i really feel the need to write this as well. but now i have to buckle down and focus on getting out of this place. and to never ever return. i hoep everyone forgets about me. i dont want to be here.
im scared. the last 2 years were luxury. were prime everything. it was delightful i had a lot of fuin. i really enjoyed myself. just being with her. coz shes so pretty to look at. and now theres no car in the drive way. no one beside me. nobody wants to hold me . no body can listen to me. cept those who are my frineds. we had a different realationship. full fo trust and openness and relaxing. we shared most of everything . from finances to furniture. to everything. we lived in 2 places togethther and Almost celebrated 2 years. man that day is gunna suck . i dont know waht i will do. but the last two year i also did lose touch with my inner sellf. i changed who i was becasue i loved this girl. and im supposed to go right back to my old life. and it seems impossible i dont even remeber what i was doing then. so waht the hell so i do now.
i went balls deep into this commitment and i was srsly considering the marriage card. and i had to admit i was compleately taken off gaurd when she pulled the marriage card out on me. i said yes. but i didnt want word getting out. coz i i was still in so much shock. i could of said yes and tolld everyone but i dont know. im so young still. i dont wanna see that card till im over 35
but we really went thru like 6 years worth of stuff. 2 years took alot out of me and it might take me a while to get back to being normal. im feel so bruised and batterd about this. i feel like i wasnt good enough. she swears she wasnt doing anyting with this girl she hung out with oddly lots. and i belive her for now. until i can prove it other wise. i do not know. and i think it hurts me to think about it. but i can t help that either.
so ill continue everyday in the stretch to B.C and try and save everything. ill keep you updated as the days and weeks go by . i really want to continue my blog for sure. nearly everyday starting sept 1
