when i was 18 i thought i had it all
i thought i could get it all
i knew i wanted it all
careless, mindless young.
i knew the basics
rent bills and budget
did i know how to do that?
i had an idea
i was on my own
that was my own choice.
i went on my way
not a care in the world.
got a place. ..halfway
paid the rent
......best i could
barely got through that.
lost all my shit.
lost my job and my sensibility
nearly lost my mind.
but i was strong through it
i kept the mind set -i had it.
i went with the flow~
but i forgot one big thing
"to pay the rent"
the bills
kept pilling up.
couldn't make enough money
could find the right job
jumped all around the place.
couldn't find the money
i was just getting the basics.
hardly could get food
had to get an advance.
had a good grip on that.
for a while
til i lost my job
i lost my job and then i lost my connections.
phone. t.v finally Internet
and ultimately all my personal
belongings in the apartment i had to run from.
i lost everything.
my whole world fell through on me
i lost grip and step.
what now? cant pay anything
couldn't even find a safe place to stay at night
how did i get through it?
what happened to me?
just saved by a hair;
now i wanna go try it all again?
can i do that really?
I'm really not having much faith in my self right now
...i feel pretty unstable right now.
--------------------------------------
i got a call this morning and they found me
they want there money by Friday
but they want to make a compromise
they are willing to let me go
so i need to pay them
i need to hand over the money
and call it done
and i need to find everything else i owe.
the world is telling me something
along the lines of i need to close my accounts
pay my debts perhaps
before i actually leave for good
somethings telling me
i really should stop running away.
its not doing any good
i have proof now they will find me.
got this feeling i need to do this right
i need ore time
i need to not rush and really just focus.
on my own personal self worth wealth and security.
