i remeber there used to be a time when i loved, when i did everything for one person and one person only, i used to know what the truest feeling of a love meant, i felt those butterflies, i felt those weak knees, the way i lost my breathe looking into her eyes. I miss her. there are no names spoken in this cuz to many people could read this and make assumptions. But alot has happened in sich a short time, broken heart, stabbed ego, break-up and love made. I remember when the world made sense when i spoke her name, but you know not everyhting is meant to be. i thought iwas meant to be with her, i thought she was supposed ot be my High School Sweetheart, all the things she told me, all the things we shared, made so much sense, was so intense, was everything that could ever be real, and now here i am left in the dark, saying im inlove with other people, but all i really want is the other person to die and i could just walk in and make lke it used to be. But theres no use, i've go on to far, ive go on to long...the feelings have diminihsed and have burnt to a long lost Ash in the bottom of my broken shattered heart. I can sometime hear her voice when i wake up in the middle of the night. Those few ytimes we talked... but what is that. a pppy love that i only expericence between the hate of the Man. the man she is destined to marry, althought i can see she is unstabel i still think of her sometimes, on nights like these when im alone, and bored, and my mind wanders and i contemplate my past mistakes, maybe she was a mistake, or maybe i was, or my heart. i will never know as all i can do now is wander around lost and hopeless, numb and dumb looking and searching for those feelings i lost in my heart that i gave to her. She still has it but no ione knows. As i carry on, caring about others and trying not to amke the same mistakes cuz i would hate for another to go thru the exactr same pain i felt that week my heart was standing on end and then destroyed...the peices were picked up enogh that i could carry on, dating a few others, not quite feeling the fist feelings of even a single butterfly....except now.

Time has gone on so long and people have been forgotten, new people have been met, some otehr people have felt pain, hurt, some popel just arent compatible. Alot has been learnd and alot more has to be learned. mistaked pondered and life goals reached, some left behind, but all in all, these people all have ghad some form of impact on me at somepoint and i dont forget. i may look like i forget but i will never. She was my Fisrt love...was supposed ot be my only...i was suppose to save myself from this wasted wandering, i soent over the summer, this waste of my body, i loved at one point and i do slowly again once mroe, but its a process jusr cuz i need to be healed too, i may not look as strong as i am, but i can hapen.

Love