Alright, so basically, this past weekend like completely rocked me off the wall solidly. i had fun but i also learned alot about me and my life. Through one special person close to my heart. alot has gone down this weekend. On Friday, i spent some time with Heather after she went to work i bussed home, contemplating what the weekend could hold. i got home and started cleaning, i got a huge pile of trash from my closet sitting right on front of where i could trip over it on my way into the room. so i got down and dirty and cleared all that out while cleaning out the rest of my garbage from ym room and reorganizing and stuff. Through all this i am talking to Ayla, and Doug, with Ayla i am conversing shit about the past, and telling her straight up i need to move on, i cant keep having false feelings for you when i clearly have feelings for someone else. and on dougs convosation we were talking about how the night would turn out and how it Is Tylers Birthday and we all want to go to a movie, he decides to come get me, and we head down to the Park to have Ice cream cake and then head out. Tylers such a fun guy, he so simplistic and easy going. always has something to say and so on. So through all this I'm telling ym GF that yeah, it would prolly end up being a pretty sober night for me ll in all, little did i know i was being dragged out to the Y and very vdery little did i know that there was an actual afterparty...
So here we are getting lost and going on adventures having deep talks me and douggy, after i had spilled my heart mind and doul on the table in front of Ayla. Me and douggy blazing and talking about friends, work and school..we get a Text asking if we want to buy K. By the time we get to the theater, doug has made arrangements for it to be deliverd and off we go. we re watching the movie Quarintine, it starts of pretty fast, the old lady is already bit and has rabies and is running around like a wild woman, then soon enough the entire apartment complex is shut down, closed off and every person including the fire fighters and those who entered to help out, are pretty well gonna die that night, there was no way on, and there is no way out without getting shot or killed, either way all of them are dyin. i thought it was a good movie and it was a movie that i needed to see, i wanted to watch a good blood, guts and gore movie sometime and who else to do it with then doug, tyler and Beau. :)
so from there, we head out to the Y, me and Tyler head in, its about 2:30 by now and were ready to go...we dance i sance my life away, it was great becasue the welcome i got taking two steps in that club, im like a celeberity and a best friend, i had like 6 peop[le jump up and out at me all around me calling mew out pulling me for a hug, i was so happy to see everyone there, all my friends if not everyone was out, well a few people werent out but somepeople who were counted as it. so it was one of the ghreatest nights, and doug had made me a deal to buy about 10-12 pills for our little party, worked out to be like 2-3 each...so Tarra had Peach Transofrmers kickin around she could locate, so she helped me out that way. and again i cintinued dancin, it was around the end when i found Luke and Tyler and all we did was Chill. Just sittin there, i was just bering there as Luke and Cody were in ther Hole, trying to get out...just sitting chillin upclose and persobnal of the person who was holding the afterparty after. so we all chilled and everyone came aorund said hi, sat for bit before going out dancing again. i loved it...
So we all get out of there, we gather everyone aaround and we head next door to the Coast Hotel, on the 20 th floor looking out to downtown...and out popped the Ketamine...and by 7:30 i was schwwacked out of my mind, wandering around...people ccming and going until it just boiled down tot he Crew in the End, shay was trying to Kick me out, but nope Luke invited me himself, so i was stayin. so were all chillin out hard in this hotel room all at differently hole levels and shit, so it was quite fantastic i thought but at the same time i had told my GF i would phone her, i didnt, i told her i was staying sober..and i didnt, and for three hits....i was on Keta mine mostly alone that nite. HEahter dosent like it and i can understand why. i mean it could be dirty and it dose mess you up qquite bad, and it dose some damage to E Brain, but its a drug, all drugs do that.
i eneded up phoneing her around 10:30 just to get hung up on when i told her, i think the main thing is i did tell her, and i could go through that experience of truly understnding how much i need a person and truly how much impact a person can have. i love my GF with all my heart if not more, shes been a huge light on my life recently and has heloped me out alot, but i also have been finding i have been turning into a baby and allowing her to mother me, more than anyone else. and i have also been making stupid and immature decidions and not doing things i really should be, like looking for antoerh job, getting my phone working, ect ect, and i let it go and yeah, i remember when i used to have a heavy head on my shouldes carefully thinking out stuff and then making decidiosns wisely, about having my own personalilty and not one thats catered to another, when i was on top of things and could think of things and have genuis ideas...alot has changed and alot needs to change.
i have gotten rid of the stress of Ayla and that whole deal, i dont care how much Dez could threat me, she wouldnt touch me with a ten foot pole, and my GF is my reverything and im not letting her go anywhere and i nee to clean up my act, by doing these things i can do, i need to be in control i ve been having way abstract dreams that never occur unless im not in control, im obviously not in contril so i need to step up and make that work going back to school, getttig a pt job, licence, cell phone/blackberry, ecte ct, saving up for at least a year so i can go back out on my own and not have the worry that i dont know who to talk to when things go hard.
so im starting that im getting active im going out and not procrastinating, im bringing ion some OCD soi can get that extra shove.
its started with me, its gonna end with me too, on a good note....not the way its going
i love my GF and i love my life, i need to make it better..
Wednesday, December 3
Sunday, November 23
a Lesson Learned
So i have come to the conclusion that my Girlfriend and I are not compatible partiers. None at all. We both tlike to have a good time, but we have very different ways of having fun or being high. me i like to go about, wander around, have fun, but her oin the other hand is a i find a good spot and i dont move and no one touches me. really strange something im tottally not used to, and yeah shes told me, but i think this last weekend has put a slight burn on our relationship. i mean a few hours before we did them i had to tell her about my lost iPod. that didnt set very well, and i wanted to hang out at the Club, but i also had a bad feeling about Jon and his friends you know. and how compleatleay done they were, had no idea who i was, no idea about anything....and yeah... and that feeling was right, after the Y they peaced out apparently and went to some friends place, prolly did lines of coke and stuff and passed out on some random floor, so i didnt end up going either so i chilled with heather and friends, with them doing lines of coke and the three of us doing E and stuff..and trying not to be "sketch" i was called, but i was, at one point Everybody was talking at the same time trying to talk over each other and i honestly cant do that i love my music, and oi love talking to epople but if a whole room of people are all talking at once, i get confused and fusterated and i was getting that way it was weird...i mean Drew and them were alright, pretty fun..Drew kept hitting on me most of the night..hes a cutie, good friend, rich ass, oh and heather got mad at me for not getting some money or anything...but im totally different i like to share things and i like to be friendly and move and meet people and have a fun environment, but sitting around is alright for some time. i dunno, so then after that i was dying on Lelands bed, trippin Balls in the dark room and my eyes rollin back i was so fuckin high, i mean it was great, but so high...lol... but i was alos kindof uncomfortable, i dunno...so i dont think i want to get high with her no more...she has her ways that im not used to right now...i like doing my rthing especially dancing and stuff and meeting people.i mean if theres too many people i freak out too, but the Y holds a good amount every now and again that its free.... but so anyways after we attempted to sleep i finally came down some but was stilpretty high, i got driven home and that morning i just couldnt think a thing, my mind was blank and i couldnt say anything...i just had nothing to say....so i stayed silent...and wandered up to my room, and called up Doug to help me get weed and smoke somewith me so he did we drove to the west end and got the guud stuff and came back and blazed hard.. talked alot, got to know each other, diid some serious cuddle time. Hes sucha cool friiend, tottal ynot what i expected him but at the same time everything his character puts out to be, listening to the Weird language station, Broadway musicals, cool stuff like that, we have a lot of same views and same intrests, i love smokin pot and chillin likei did yesterday and i had so much fun.....and all day Saturday just chilled the fuck out..didnt sleep yet cuz we had to go to Sherwood park, made plans to go to the y, dropped off some stuff to Jon and Melissa to get ready and went back, and had a nap, but i was texting my gf, and i dunno even then i felt like i was still intruding on her again and thats one thing i dont like, so all day today i was kinda like should i call her, or text her, sor should i let her call me ect ect...like she needed serious space from me cuz im just that awkward...and i dont mind her not coming over tonite...i mean if she wants to she can, but i think maybe rioght now she might need some serious space....i just dont know...anyways that nap that lasted like 13 hours was pretty great, just ...Solid sleeping. it was fantastic ive never had such a good chill day in a long time...i was so like great...i want to do it again..chill out smokin all day yeah....then my gf was being awkward over slightly El phone...just not talking as much but whatever i guess....might of been off for her too. but im chillin here, gonna sleep then see if she wants to hang out tommorrow afternoon, as i come back from my interview at like 12 or so, then i'll sleep some more till she calls me and/ or comes over and or what, then maybe we'l tlak or somethin. i dunno, even today, she wasnt as cheerful as i usually see or hear her...i unno...i dont want to lose her, i really do love her...alot i aint lying and i want to make it work,..well something to get used to...we nee to start spoending more time apart possibly, cuz its gettin to the fact that i cnt sleep at night if she isnt there, so i can hear her breathing. or i can wake up next to her and just have the best day. she really is like the greatest part in any day. just her being there makes everything, but i definitly dont like the awkward turtle stuff that was goin on this weekend even till today even, it makes me feelilike i did something wrong or i said something stupid or somethingwent wrong and shes mad or something i dunno. so something we'll work out, hopefully fo rhte best... i love her so loves me apparetnly until this weekend...., but i often find it hard to gage how much a person likes me or even loves me you know so we'll see how it goes.... hopefully i dint fuck up too too bad.... :(
*sigh* With love
*sigh* With love
Friday, November 21
Today is a day of Testing and PErsistence. OVer the summer i had made plans to meet a good friend of mine for a hour or two in a local coffee shop. No strings attached, nothing seemed to go wrong, until i was left standing in that coffee shop with no avail of this person showing up. Being stood up is one of the things thats hurts the most after months and months of talking, learning, sharing, laughing and bonding. Why did i even give her a second chance, im not sure, maybe it was a fault of the heart. or not. But today 5 months after the inital meeting, after a change of progress and a thought od the heart, hopefully things wont be blown up in my face once again, but one can only hope i am destined to meet her underneath the rollercoatser where she said she had the moment of truth the last time we, officially met. hopefully the other intruder wont bother showing up, cuz i need her to know it just isnt worth it, you have the whole weekend to hang with your little love of your life, while me on the other hand onyl has a few named hours, of which im sure your creepin around anyways. so i leave this only to fatem the feelings ion my stomach are slightly uneasy but again i put my trust in her so maybe she can come thru maybe she can really show me whats important in life, being controlle by a bastard, or following her own heart. we are bound to find out. until next time
here goes
here goes
Wednesday, November 19
i remeber there used to be a time when i loved, when i did everything for one person and one person only, i used to know what the truest feeling of a love meant, i felt those butterflies, i felt those weak knees, the way i lost my breathe looking into her eyes. I miss her. there are no names spoken in this cuz to many people could read this and make assumptions. But alot has happened in sich a short time, broken heart, stabbed ego, break-up and love made. I remember when the world made sense when i spoke her name, but you know not everyhting is meant to be. i thought iwas meant to be with her, i thought she was supposed ot be my High School Sweetheart, all the things she told me, all the things we shared, made so much sense, was so intense, was everything that could ever be real, and now here i am left in the dark, saying im inlove with other people, but all i really want is the other person to die and i could just walk in and make lke it used to be. But theres no use, i've go on to far, ive go on to long...the feelings have diminihsed and have burnt to a long lost Ash in the bottom of my broken shattered heart. I can sometime hear her voice when i wake up in the middle of the night. Those few ytimes we talked... but what is that. a pppy love that i only expericence between the hate of the Man. the man she is destined to marry, althought i can see she is unstabel i still think of her sometimes, on nights like these when im alone, and bored, and my mind wanders and i contemplate my past mistakes, maybe she was a mistake, or maybe i was, or my heart. i will never know as all i can do now is wander around lost and hopeless, numb and dumb looking and searching for those feelings i lost in my heart that i gave to her. She still has it but no ione knows. As i carry on, caring about others and trying not to amke the same mistakes cuz i would hate for another to go thru the exactr same pain i felt that week my heart was standing on end and then destroyed...the peices were picked up enogh that i could carry on, dating a few others, not quite feeling the fist feelings of even a single butterfly....except now.
Time has gone on so long and people have been forgotten, new people have been met, some otehr people have felt pain, hurt, some popel just arent compatible. Alot has been learnd and alot more has to be learned. mistaked pondered and life goals reached, some left behind, but all in all, these people all have ghad some form of impact on me at somepoint and i dont forget. i may look like i forget but i will never. She was my Fisrt love...was supposed ot be my only...i was suppose to save myself from this wasted wandering, i soent over the summer, this waste of my body, i loved at one point and i do slowly again once mroe, but its a process jusr cuz i need to be healed too, i may not look as strong as i am, but i can hapen.
Love
Time has gone on so long and people have been forgotten, new people have been met, some otehr people have felt pain, hurt, some popel just arent compatible. Alot has been learnd and alot more has to be learned. mistaked pondered and life goals reached, some left behind, but all in all, these people all have ghad some form of impact on me at somepoint and i dont forget. i may look like i forget but i will never. She was my Fisrt love...was supposed ot be my only...i was suppose to save myself from this wasted wandering, i soent over the summer, this waste of my body, i loved at one point and i do slowly again once mroe, but its a process jusr cuz i need to be healed too, i may not look as strong as i am, but i can hapen.
Love
Tuesday, November 4
Walking around my Good intentions
Cigarette smoke.
Crisp Cool Breath
The Unforgotten scent and effect of a lover
Wandering thoughts...off on a midnight blue sky
Where did the time go
How did this all change so
...miraculously without me knowing
In the dead of Night, still I am waiting for dawn
Yet I never want this to end...this...dream...
But yet, solid sincere reality...
Has me fighting against a strange concept...
One I forget to realize is the netting between the difference
Holding on for the dearest of time
has me off in a Trance..of the yet unknown
The purgatory state, between the living and the imagination
as no one else has seen, in this segment
The sharp hisses of the opposition,
one for a another, but not for me, fighting for truth.. both
on these dead streets, and in my head
rise up for desperate pleas to surrender
Surrender to What? i cry...always
Screaming for answers, dying for serenity
It rises and falls, ===
=== always catching by surprise
the next wandering thought;
...:::Flying by a starry eyed night:::....
-----lost in translation, between developing concepts
and balancing the existing sub-conscious
Tripping and stumbling through existence
~!~
As the voices come nearer, we dip deeper...
More thoughtfully more truthfully in once ourselves
they call society, to critic and to acclaim them once lost
We were all once lost too...as we say good-bye
<>
The wind flies furiously past my reality
...breaching the smoke, and dissolving the shade of misery
Falling upon a dead weight, i thought--my death do i part
But yet i cannot persue and accept the weak of what i once...
<
----->>> Tumbling and stalking forward
in ^the^ rhythm^ of^ the^ external ^beat...
Completely overcoming the still life
of the known daylight, of what seems dusk
-------
Still wondering, still altering and finally dreaming
Into that once again trance state
Wanting to escape, wanting to be free
But not knowing a soul on the outside
Not knowing existence beyond what matters
The heart, and the mind, the trance
As my grasp weakens, undone on the hold
11.04.08-J.Haynes
Crisp Cool Breath
The Unforgotten scent and effect of a lover
Wandering thoughts...off on a midnight blue sky
Where did the time go
How did this all change so
...miraculously without me knowing
In the dead of Night, still I am waiting for dawn
Yet I never want this to end...this...dream...
But yet, solid sincere reality...
Has me fighting against a strange concept...
One I forget to realize is the netting between the difference
Holding on for the dearest of time
has me off in a Trance..of the yet unknown
The purgatory state, between the living and the imagination
as no one else has seen, in this segment
The sharp hisses of the opposition,
one for a another, but not for me, fighting for truth.. both
on these dead streets, and in my head
rise up for desperate pleas to surrender
Surrender to What? i cry...always
Screaming for answers, dying for serenity
It rises and falls, ===
=== always catching by surprise
the next wandering thought;
...:::Flying by a starry eyed night:::....
-----lost in translation, between developing concepts
and balancing the existing sub-conscious
Tripping and stumbling through existence
~!~
As the voices come nearer, we dip deeper...
More thoughtfully more truthfully in once ourselves
they call society, to critic and to acclaim them once lost
We were all once lost too...as we say good-bye
<>
The wind flies furiously past my reality
...breaching the smoke, and dissolving the shade of misery
Falling upon a dead weight, i thought--my death do i part
But yet i cannot persue and accept the weak of what i once...
<
----->>> Tumbling and stalking forward
in ^the^ rhythm^ of^ the^ external ^beat...
Completely overcoming the still life
of the known daylight, of what seems dusk
-------
Still wondering, still altering and finally dreaming
Into that once again trance state
Wanting to escape, wanting to be free
But not knowing a soul on the outside
Not knowing existence beyond what matters
The heart, and the mind, the trance
As my grasp weakens, undone on the hold
of inner peace and security, falling
away yet not so peacefully, but struggling to stay lit
In the dusk of this long winters night
away yet not so peacefully, but struggling to stay lit
In the dusk of this long winters night
My cigarette smoke drifting away slowly
The clean, white smoke, exhaled gently::::;;....
Fosters what lies within my own shell:::::^'''''
And the depth of what i can only wish
The clean, white smoke, exhaled gently::::;;....
Fosters what lies within my own shell:::::^'''''
And the depth of what i can only wish
11.04.08-J.Haynes
Saturday, September 13
HOPING
so.....
i cant wait for my interview tommorrow for PLAY night club. i really hope i get this job. something ive been looking forward to all week...
http://www.playnightclub.ca/
will check back tommorrow for more info
i cant wait for my interview tommorrow for PLAY night club. i really hope i get this job. something ive been looking forward to all week...
http://www.playnightclub.ca/
will check back tommorrow for more info
Thursday, September 11
so he res something you hadn't noticed. and that just noticed now, and as i sit here waiting for my stupid slow and lame computer boot up.
Today i look like a boy. Completely Cross Dressed in every way. Every single article of clothing upon my body is either a men's size or made for a man. HA not that i care. honestly. I enjoy my male appearance, but i also do quite enjoy my female body. Yeah okay my little lumps on my chest are kinda a nuisance.
The one thing i hate though about day to day living, is going into a public washroom. OR getting asked, or even the blatant cold hard stares when some one such as me walks into a Women's washroom, fully knowing its correct. It gets annoying when other people correct themselves to make room for me. So I've decided i dislike public washrooms and prefer Gender Neutral Washrooms.
And ON that subject. Who's to say i HAVE to look like a woman. i really don't mind how i look. i actually love how i look. i cut off my hawk last night in preperation of my upcoming job interviews cuz obviously not many employers enjoy long orange hair...*rolls eyes* Sure i represent a male in everyday life, the only difference between me and a biologically correct are those two annoying bumps on my chest.
I look outside and see the beautiful women with long brown hair, trim fit bodies and curves that could knock a sock off, when me myself and perfectly content with what i have and where its going. i love my short croppped hair and cant wait for the back to grow out so i can spike that out to into a full sized frohawk and dye stripes of Red and blonde into my Black hair. It'll be great and hopefully just int iem for next summer considering its only September right now
I do Drag where its expected of me to impersonate the male persona on stage in a big and macho character as stereotype. Me personally. i aint stereyotyping. i respect men, to a certain point and always have..i also enjoy putting on a male persona for the form of pure entertainment. like come on. in my basement at the young age of 9 singing along and dancing around to Tal Bachman??
When i do that number it will be a flood of memories from ym past. Alot of the number i do have a reason or the actual song reminds me of someone or thing in my life that has impacted me. in one way or another. Songs like Supermans Dead, the lyrics about believeing something that you think is true but youk now its actually not. Those little mental moments we all have. Ha, some people think that Drag is all sexual and has to be directed towards the audience in a good way, and the best way to get a drunk audience is by being sexual. yes i can do it too, but i really dont feel as comfortable on stage when im grabbing my packing flashing smiles at the chicks as im trying to pick them up or somehting. it just dosent fit. i am passionate and ready abou tmy Drag and i love it and all the songs i choose have that exact same amount of passiona nd desire to reach out and let the audience see something else...if that make any sense. yerah i do some fun songs like ?Wild thing, or songs like thqt but overall. i have meaning and dedication...i just need more cheropgraphy...
I CANT FUCKING SPELL!!! ;sdkfjngviujscmNVGbzf
hotmail.com
so all in all, what is gender? based on your outward appearance and they way you act in dday to day activities? i sure dont. i really dont care..
i lost my thought
what are we talking abou tseeing the fact im more concerned with how i cant spell compared to actually writing something half intellegent...
Until later..
Rave
Today i look like a boy. Completely Cross Dressed in every way. Every single article of clothing upon my body is either a men's size or made for a man. HA not that i care. honestly. I enjoy my male appearance, but i also do quite enjoy my female body. Yeah okay my little lumps on my chest are kinda a nuisance.
The one thing i hate though about day to day living, is going into a public washroom. OR getting asked, or even the blatant cold hard stares when some one such as me walks into a Women's washroom, fully knowing its correct. It gets annoying when other people correct themselves to make room for me. So I've decided i dislike public washrooms and prefer Gender Neutral Washrooms.
And ON that subject. Who's to say i HAVE to look like a woman. i really don't mind how i look. i actually love how i look. i cut off my hawk last night in preperation of my upcoming job interviews cuz obviously not many employers enjoy long orange hair...*rolls eyes* Sure i represent a male in everyday life, the only difference between me and a biologically correct are those two annoying bumps on my chest.
I look outside and see the beautiful women with long brown hair, trim fit bodies and curves that could knock a sock off, when me myself and perfectly content with what i have and where its going. i love my short croppped hair and cant wait for the back to grow out so i can spike that out to into a full sized frohawk and dye stripes of Red and blonde into my Black hair. It'll be great and hopefully just int iem for next summer considering its only September right now
I do Drag where its expected of me to impersonate the male persona on stage in a big and macho character as stereotype. Me personally. i aint stereyotyping. i respect men, to a certain point and always have..i also enjoy putting on a male persona for the form of pure entertainment. like come on. in my basement at the young age of 9 singing along and dancing around to Tal Bachman??
When i do that number it will be a flood of memories from ym past. Alot of the number i do have a reason or the actual song reminds me of someone or thing in my life that has impacted me. in one way or another. Songs like Supermans Dead, the lyrics about believeing something that you think is true but youk now its actually not. Those little mental moments we all have. Ha, some people think that Drag is all sexual and has to be directed towards the audience in a good way, and the best way to get a drunk audience is by being sexual. yes i can do it too, but i really dont feel as comfortable on stage when im grabbing my packing flashing smiles at the chicks as im trying to pick them up or somehting. it just dosent fit. i am passionate and ready abou tmy Drag and i love it and all the songs i choose have that exact same amount of passiona nd desire to reach out and let the audience see something else...if that make any sense. yerah i do some fun songs like ?Wild thing, or songs like thqt but overall. i have meaning and dedication...i just need more cheropgraphy...
I CANT FUCKING SPELL!!! ;sdkfjngviujscmNVGbzf
hotmail.com
so all in all, what is gender? based on your outward appearance and they way you act in dday to day activities? i sure dont. i really dont care..
i lost my thought
what are we talking abou tseeing the fact im more concerned with how i cant spell compared to actually writing something half intellegent...
Until later..
Rave
Wednesday, September 10
DRAG COMPETITIONS
so in a few years ..i want to go to SAn Fransisco and see this....
or even be in it...!!
*le Gasp*
JAYDEN HAYNES
ooh ima Write my Biography right here....
Jayden haynes Started Draggin in the eArly Summer of 2008 performing often at his Club Buddies. He Regularly dose modern, upbeat serious songs that reflect his life and his time he spent where ever he treaded the streets. The Son of Miss Ashley Love and Elijah, he comes from a strong ancestory of Drag PErformers. His Mother is a Tried tested and true Queen, Famous for her upbeat and outgoing perfomances in Edmonton and His Father Alll the Way from Toronto Ontairo who was raised also by the Famous King Flare, Jayden shows excellence coming from suc a strong family . With Performances such as Korn, Red Jumpsuit, Social Code, Motion City Soundtrack and many new artists, Juayden shows passiona dn strong commitment towards his performances and obviously loves what he's doing. Becoming qwuite famous in the smal area of his hometown city he is finally here with the Big Boys in San Fransisco. Please Welcome to the Stage the One and only Mr. Jayden Haynes....
http://www.sfdragkingcontest.com/bios.html
or even be in it...!!
*le Gasp*
JAYDEN HAYNES
ooh ima Write my Biography right here....
Jayden haynes Started Draggin in the eArly Summer of 2008 performing often at his Club Buddies. He Regularly dose modern, upbeat serious songs that reflect his life and his time he spent where ever he treaded the streets. The Son of Miss Ashley Love and Elijah, he comes from a strong ancestory of Drag PErformers. His Mother is a Tried tested and true Queen, Famous for her upbeat and outgoing perfomances in Edmonton and His Father Alll the Way from Toronto Ontairo who was raised also by the Famous King Flare, Jayden shows excellence coming from suc a strong family . With Performances such as Korn, Red Jumpsuit, Social Code, Motion City Soundtrack and many new artists, Juayden shows passiona dn strong commitment towards his performances and obviously loves what he's doing. Becoming qwuite famous in the smal area of his hometown city he is finally here with the Big Boys in San Fransisco. Please Welcome to the Stage the One and only Mr. Jayden Haynes....
http://www.sfdragkingcontest.com/bios.html
NEXT SUMMER
JAYDENS ANNUAL PRIDE TOUR--:)
Edmonton Pride- HomeRoots Pride PArade and Drag Show w/Aftershow at Buddies
1st Weekend of June
Toronto Pride With Ayla Desiree Krystyna and Micchy and Friends
June 19th to 28th
Montreal Pride...?
End of July
VANCOUVER PRIDE!!!!
First Weekend of August
I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA GO!!!
Ottowa Capital Pride!!
End of August...kinda want to go as well but i dont want to go frm Vancouver all the way Back to Ottowa..but it would be cool
I needs to start saving now cuz i want to drive myself there and back wiht a car that i own and my own money
Goona be great
Tuesday, September 9
Hmm Up To Date
So where can i begin...How many days has it been since my last post. A couple i would say. Agree? Correctly accumulated my outstanding opinion and i am going to write another post.
So today is Tuesday i believe. And i am still sore from the WEekend. My Little blitz this weekend with my good friend Jeff. My Newfound Friend Jeff. So i was supposedly supposed to be at a Birthday. Which i went. To Lucky 13. And no one was there until later. So i walk arounda nd this little table of people were watching me froma distance. i turnarounda nd there chit chattring about my mohawk. Do you seriously not get out enought o see me around. Of course i am everywhere. but yeah i agree on a typically SAturday night i am at Buddies partying it up wiht CAss and all my other homosexual fanatics where i like to call home at Buddies. So yeah a few of my friends show up at Lucky and we decide to head off to the Strat. Me i had no idea what the strat was and it turned out its the cheap ass lounge hardly a bar at all in Strathcona Ols Hotel. LAME. i peace out and make my way towards New City.
Its funny how when you havent been to a certian place you once were popular at and you return without notice and its like nothing has changed. Same goes for okd friendships i guess. But yeah. i walk up to the cluba nd the regualr group of my friends are there of course smoking htere cigars and i walk up and its like i fit right back in. my place was never lost and its all good times. the tunes are rollin, the floor is rocking with awesome dancers. and me being much more experienced than when i first started felt even more at peace dancing my style on that floor and having so much fun.
So i manage to find some pot and i go smoke up and meet Shawn. Who later is killing it on te floor looking great as usual. soon enough i meet Jeff once again and were again killin git all over all ranked out having so much fun. soon enough its last call and were outside exchanging things in a small dark corner and finishing the rest of my joint. Next thing i know im being haulded out of the CLub being told were going o the Y!!!
YAYNESS!! i love the Y. Its an all night party with great music. WE manage to get in after we organize ourselves in the car. #am an were just begininng. the club is rocking all over agian and everythings a blur and my glowsticks are loking better than ever and im having so much fun. I love th e Y!! The tunes were great and the Bass was loud adn proud just the way its supposed to be. The water is flowing freely and were rocking. ew plan to leave at 7. so this is going on to 9 hours of compleate straight dancing!!
No wonder im so sore..cuz everyone knows that when i dance..i freaking dance like no tommorrow. So at around 7 we head back to the car and we chill out. WE decide we need to go get some food now that weer slightly coming down. Me..not so much..im still wired for sound and going striong..and would be form the next how many more hours. i keep losing things on myself and have this annoying complex about how dirty i loook with my two sweaters and Green Trip pants and White soiled tank top.
So im wandering around Downtown edmonton on a Sunday morning, tripping myself out and the rest of the world trying to act adn seem normal.
Everyhting is os much fun. i manage to think up of a typical short term goal and worlk towards it, in the mean time either a) forgetting the goal or b) getting distracted..good times.. i finally mamage to make it back to WEM and i call my GF to come hang with me cuz im going crazy confusing myself in my mind and getting psyched out by myslef....im such a klutz...
And i have never eaten so much in a day then i did that day..i had Breakfast, Lunch aAND dinner plus popcorn and snacks ...it ws crazy...but yeah its good im getting back into a regualr eating routine..maybe i can get back into a normal eating schedule. lol
Yeah and me and Alison went and Saw Indiana jones and we were supposed to meet Nona..but we couldnt find her and i almost walked into amirrior...cuz i thought the mirror was an exit..
lol
So yeah my Weekend was really good and i came home and slept for 17 whole hours...a good hard sleep that i needed..
i can t wait fo rthe next time!!!
peace
lovelys
So today is Tuesday i believe. And i am still sore from the WEekend. My Little blitz this weekend with my good friend Jeff. My Newfound Friend Jeff. So i was supposedly supposed to be at a Birthday. Which i went. To Lucky 13. And no one was there until later. So i walk arounda nd this little table of people were watching me froma distance. i turnarounda nd there chit chattring about my mohawk. Do you seriously not get out enought o see me around. Of course i am everywhere. but yeah i agree on a typically SAturday night i am at Buddies partying it up wiht CAss and all my other homosexual fanatics where i like to call home at Buddies. So yeah a few of my friends show up at Lucky and we decide to head off to the Strat. Me i had no idea what the strat was and it turned out its the cheap ass lounge hardly a bar at all in Strathcona Ols Hotel. LAME. i peace out and make my way towards New City.
Its funny how when you havent been to a certian place you once were popular at and you return without notice and its like nothing has changed. Same goes for okd friendships i guess. But yeah. i walk up to the cluba nd the regualr group of my friends are there of course smoking htere cigars and i walk up and its like i fit right back in. my place was never lost and its all good times. the tunes are rollin, the floor is rocking with awesome dancers. and me being much more experienced than when i first started felt even more at peace dancing my style on that floor and having so much fun.
So i manage to find some pot and i go smoke up and meet Shawn. Who later is killing it on te floor looking great as usual. soon enough i meet Jeff once again and were again killin git all over all ranked out having so much fun. soon enough its last call and were outside exchanging things in a small dark corner and finishing the rest of my joint. Next thing i know im being haulded out of the CLub being told were going o the Y!!!
YAYNESS!! i love the Y. Its an all night party with great music. WE manage to get in after we organize ourselves in the car. #am an were just begininng. the club is rocking all over agian and everythings a blur and my glowsticks are loking better than ever and im having so much fun. I love th e Y!! The tunes were great and the Bass was loud adn proud just the way its supposed to be. The water is flowing freely and were rocking. ew plan to leave at 7. so this is going on to 9 hours of compleate straight dancing!!
No wonder im so sore..cuz everyone knows that when i dance..i freaking dance like no tommorrow. So at around 7 we head back to the car and we chill out. WE decide we need to go get some food now that weer slightly coming down. Me..not so much..im still wired for sound and going striong..and would be form the next how many more hours. i keep losing things on myself and have this annoying complex about how dirty i loook with my two sweaters and Green Trip pants and White soiled tank top.
So im wandering around Downtown edmonton on a Sunday morning, tripping myself out and the rest of the world trying to act adn seem normal.
Everyhting is os much fun. i manage to think up of a typical short term goal and worlk towards it, in the mean time either a) forgetting the goal or b) getting distracted..good times.. i finally mamage to make it back to WEM and i call my GF to come hang with me cuz im going crazy confusing myself in my mind and getting psyched out by myslef....im such a klutz...
And i have never eaten so much in a day then i did that day..i had Breakfast, Lunch aAND dinner plus popcorn and snacks ...it ws crazy...but yeah its good im getting back into a regualr eating routine..maybe i can get back into a normal eating schedule. lol
Yeah and me and Alison went and Saw Indiana jones and we were supposed to meet Nona..but we couldnt find her and i almost walked into amirrior...cuz i thought the mirror was an exit..
lol
So yeah my Weekend was really good and i came home and slept for 17 whole hours...a good hard sleep that i needed..
i can t wait fo rthe next time!!!
peace
lovelys
Saturday, September 6
WTF
so i awaken this aftrnoon barely aware of my surroundings, hardly calculating anything sincere and correct. My thoughts were scattered as the sound of Alexisonfire rolls off the floor by my bed signalling me to awaken out of a groggy terrible nights sleep. I try to remember what day it is, where i am and why. I realize i am home in my bed, frezzing and its one of the WTFFFFFx 10000 mornings. ive only had so many of these in my lifetime, but the feelings i get arent good ones....
So during today i have tried to redirect my thoughts into a sincere train on the weird events that happened last night...
i remembered i was to Meet Cassie, already i have had one and half joints to myself and was about to do another one. I walked in the bar ond for someo dd reason people wnted to buy me drinks..so i obliged and they did...hence me getting drunker and drunker by the drink cuz after me not drinking for like 4 months...alcohol has a weird thing on me i guess...
So Cass is around and were dancing. my roomate was there as well dancing with some random. Dez was there i remembver clearly but for whatreason i have nbo idea what happened between 12 and 3...cuz i was pretty hamemred..not to mention the other thing i did to add to it all...plus music plus good friends and all this weird stuff...the only thing i remember at one time or another i was being mauled on the floor by some person kissing me...i dont know who it was, where it came from and why....!!
Why do i drink? to forget
I forget the majority of the events that happened last night..so i am clearly unable to determine wether it was a good or bad night..
i dont even want to know...im going o move on
J
So during today i have tried to redirect my thoughts into a sincere train on the weird events that happened last night...
i remembered i was to Meet Cassie, already i have had one and half joints to myself and was about to do another one. I walked in the bar ond for someo dd reason people wnted to buy me drinks..so i obliged and they did...hence me getting drunker and drunker by the drink cuz after me not drinking for like 4 months...alcohol has a weird thing on me i guess...
So Cass is around and were dancing. my roomate was there as well dancing with some random. Dez was there i remembver clearly but for whatreason i have nbo idea what happened between 12 and 3...cuz i was pretty hamemred..not to mention the other thing i did to add to it all...plus music plus good friends and all this weird stuff...the only thing i remember at one time or another i was being mauled on the floor by some person kissing me...i dont know who it was, where it came from and why....!!
Why do i drink? to forget
I forget the majority of the events that happened last night..so i am clearly unable to determine wether it was a good or bad night..
i dont even want to know...im going o move on
J
Friday, September 5
Where do all the nice people hide?
So you kno what i think we need?
More Super Nice Poeple.
For Example. i was traveling on the Number 5 bus last afternoon and the driver was extremely nice. it made me have hope that not everyone is a jerk, cuz a majority of the people here in this world can be jerks and yes i admit even myself can be quite the jerk every now and again. But this Driver mad eit important to make eye contact with every patron and to talk to someone and even Say Thank You and Have A gOod night to every single person who got off at their respectful stop. I was amazied. It has been a while since i have seen such niceness and courtesy.
Even today at the Library the Lady who helped me in looking for a plug in was also very nice. again something iwasnt used to. She again used that eye contact and the open body language i dont see quite often enough. it put a smile on my face and also made me wonder where all these nice people hang out? obviously in the society we live in today everyone is obviously too busy to lend a hand. I try my best but even in my situation i cant be the nicest person in the world, not thaty i dont try.
every chance i get i try to help people out and i want to but its hard in this growing society and in this crazy way nd everything going on and even i myself can hardly keep up.
SO thus is life i wonder where all these nice people hang out adn i want to try and search them out and put a finger on them and leave little comments about them and how nice they are. They deserve the credit for makking my day brighter even if i am 50 dollars short of my "Rent/food" which dosent make my day all that great....
More Super Nice Poeple.
For Example. i was traveling on the Number 5 bus last afternoon and the driver was extremely nice. it made me have hope that not everyone is a jerk, cuz a majority of the people here in this world can be jerks and yes i admit even myself can be quite the jerk every now and again. But this Driver mad eit important to make eye contact with every patron and to talk to someone and even Say Thank You and Have A gOod night to every single person who got off at their respectful stop. I was amazied. It has been a while since i have seen such niceness and courtesy.
Even today at the Library the Lady who helped me in looking for a plug in was also very nice. again something iwasnt used to. She again used that eye contact and the open body language i dont see quite often enough. it put a smile on my face and also made me wonder where all these nice people hang out? obviously in the society we live in today everyone is obviously too busy to lend a hand. I try my best but even in my situation i cant be the nicest person in the world, not thaty i dont try.
every chance i get i try to help people out and i want to but its hard in this growing society and in this crazy way nd everything going on and even i myself can hardly keep up.
SO thus is life i wonder where all these nice people hang out adn i want to try and search them out and put a finger on them and leave little comments about them and how nice they are. They deserve the credit for makking my day brighter even if i am 50 dollars short of my "Rent/food" which dosent make my day all that great....
Friday, August 29
DREAMS..my hopes my views an rant or two and a vision
How much dose it take for a dream to turn from Fear to Excitment? How long do we have to fight against ourselves and those risks we leave untaken. The world sipns day after day and week after week, and we hold ourselves back from the real world, hiding away from the feats and the simple truths in our society. What we make of this world, to the difficultly of differnt situations, we have a tendency...
I have a tendancy. I have a tendancy to think and a the worse, think hard and long and grab an idea and run with it. Many of my greatest risks, have been well thought out, to a point moreso. But when one idea runs out, i go back to the drawing board and figuralize another great attempt to make it in this world. Many thought up plans were done that way, that never ended going anywhere in the end. Many i deas were thought up then scratched, then sometime later i almost regret not going with it.
These i deas then have a funny way of forming into Goals. That i pursue, in great desparte attempts, only becasue i leave it for so long until its about to explode. Ghen panic comes in and overtakes everything, and since i ama performer overall, so i can act cool clam and collected. Casue its all on the apperance these days isn't it? Aren't all we obsessed wirth nowadays are the outward appearnce of ourselves. How we dressis equivalent to the way our houses look. Oh yeah, go tthat remark froma homeless person themselves. Took a look at my jeans, there was a rip in them that spread an said, “Gosh!, i hope your place dosent look like your pants...” I loooked at her and havent lighted my smoke at that point, stared her straight in the facer and said, :Now what the Hell dose that mean?” She backed away again, slightly and said “well there a mess, i hope your house isnt a mess...” I glared her straight in the face and shook my head, casue i had nothing at that point to say, but i was more than willing to puch her in the face. I walked away, leaving it behind me, somehwat, until know, when i sit im my clean apartment, and look around and check the date on the expiry label. Says here i should be getting an eviction notice sometime soon. But honestly i dont hink it all about outsode apperance. Its whats inside that matters...the outside is just a shell..I love to have fun with my friends, but i am naturally a very quiet person, and i may look really tough and concrete but those are my walls talking. What you see on the outside is only a image of the vastness unknown. The Sea of darkness dwelling inside the shell. But its not all darkeness...it has wit and humor and a passion and compassion and care and love...and everything...i could ever ask for and it all came form differnt people who have impacted me, so i want to impact others in the same way....
Being jobless for more than a month, isnt the greastest vacation ever, casue when your unemployed, you dont get paid very much. You dont get paid to hand out resumes, you dont get paid to spned hours, walking around and looking for help wanted. You dont get very much when you have no job. It's not like i wasn't trying. Hell oi was out there in the thick of the jobsearch with multiples of resumes and cover letters and such. I passed to them to anyone who looked like they were hiring. And in that entire month i passed out about 125 resumes to various areas through out theCity of Edmonton. But out of everything i only get ONE interview at WEM in the large theater...3 days after my Rent was due thsat i could afford because i had no freaking job. They phone me July 3rd, after i had already been through my thinking and my goal preparing. I was like, sure...i really donthtink there is actually any point whatsoever in going to it. I have no home. I am staying here illegally, as of last tuesday and i need to figure out where to go.
So i have a certian someone who may be able to pick me up and take me away to B.C later this month. With the money i earn at “Work” at the Capital EX this year i can probably get somewhere over there, as a start. I need a change. I cant handle it here anymore. Everyone's all the same and everybody is all like boring and neutral. And since i have nothing holding me here anymore, i feel i should just head out and go see the world. Theres a whole life aheadof me and i know what i want to do with it. I just have to learn and explore and observe. Three things i am great at. So wether it be by foot or by trucker or any other form of transprotation i want to make it to the East coast by Next Summer. Its all about dreaming BIG and making your Goals HUGE and pushing yourself, and keeping things in persective.and looking at the bigger picture.i have never been more scared and more passionate at the same time...
There is absolutely nothing holding me here....i have 75Cents to my name at this monent, no job no house anymore. This city and tis province are so boring. My view of the open road make things so much closer...this world is huge..and im going to take it all on....one and for all....
There is a world out there. There is a world out there to be explored. I look at the world very much as i would look at my mind. Very deep, confusing, strange, complex, i little warped. And there are people out there that need to be impacted. I feel as though it is time that i go out not only to redefine my outlook and aspect of the world, to find myself in who i truly can be no matter how much it can get crazy.
I mean i have always lived on the edge of life, i have always pushed myself to the end of any situation and this will only be another projuect. Im always on the loook out for differnt persepctives. I am always open to talk to, to let you dig deeper. As solid as i look im actually quite the softie. I can open up easily and wont back down. All it takes is the first move. Willit be you or me
the open road, the new scents of air, the tastes of it all...I understand its going to be a rough start but being me and basically fighting for myself since the mere age of eight i believe i have a good head on my shoulders, a good support system and good observation skills. I have the Wit, the Humor the personality, the charisma to get into people and explore. I love society. I love to observe, i love to think i love to learn to educate. I apprecitate my world, this society i live in, the way things work and im willing to learn.
Many lives i have impacted and theresmany more out there. Its a quest. To the unknown, where i can find the meaning of it on my way, where i can change and alter. This is my freedom, this is my life. This is my risk and im going to do it. I fought my way into this world and im going to fight my way back out trying to toucha s many people as a i can on the way wether it be large or small.
I will have a future, i will have the name, and the knowlegde to work it. And im going in full throttle.
A huge thank you to all of those people who have touched me, who have raised me, who have taught me, who have impacted me, who have loved me to unbelieveable depths, who have worried who have cared, who have dug deeper and to thos e of which i could do the same.
Thank you to my parents. Including various Friends parents who have taken me in, The only person in this world i can trust to call my own mother Karen for teaching me so much and for disciplining me and for loving me and never giving up. To my Adoptive mother who gave me the first love no matter how small it was. It impacted me. I will never for get the few good times we've had. TO my birth mother who gave me life...or i ouwldnt be able to fulfill this destiny
To my Fathers. Those who have been a father ffigure in my life. To my Dad Glenn, who has taught me, lectured me, accepted me, sat around with me, taught me to drive, taken my side, and loved me. To my Adoptive Father who has been with me my whole life the only one i know as my Father. Whos supported me, whos cared for me, whos watched ffrom a distance, gave me as much of a childhood as he could of with his own two hands...you rhard work goes a long way. To my birth father, who donated to this life....a part of you is with me even if i will never meet you.
To my Siblings all over, who have gotten in trouble with me, had fun with me, dealt with me, cried with me, comfrted me, helped me and loved me. Especially to my Litttle Sister Summer Rose as young as you are have impacted me greatky with your innocence, your curiosity, your meaningful words and touching pictures drawing and any amount spent with you day in and day out...watching you grow. The amazing gift of life you fulfill with your spirit keep me going. I love you
to my extended family, who has watched me grow up all these years and helped me out along the way with praise and critisism. Gifts and anything that has touched me.
TO my Lovers and my Exs for allowing me to find a part of me, to digging deeper into myself, for loving me mostly. And caring and support and quality time...I Love You all
and to my Friends. Each and every one of you has searched me, known me, let me talk, let me cry, let me rejoice, let me survive, let me learn, and loved me. You mean the world to me. I wouldnt want anything elese than all of you in my life to help me, support me, call me, take me out to dinner, and anything else that was small and insignifigant to those that was huge and forced me to swallow my pride at once. Who made me break, who broke down my walls who unmasked me for who i am all thru my upbringing. I cant begin to name you all. My Class mates all 12 years, my Church friends, my Blaze Friends, my Dancing friends, my random friends, my Nexopia friends..all of you have helped me grow wether greatly or just little. I appreciate you in all you are.
To my Best Friends who have held me thru the bight, who have slapped me in the face, who sat there as i flodded on your shoulder, who have spent the quality time one on one that measn the most to me. Those to who i have told my deepest secrets, my worst qualities, my greatest fears, my deepest lyrics, my everything. I owe it al to you for dupporting me all this time. For Never giving up, for bnever turning you r back, for never forgetting....and for making those memories that are burned to my own memory you are not forgotten====
Raina T, Nona L, Anthony C, Anthony M, Kim K. Ashley O. Cassie B, Petra M, Alison B, Shelby S, Lindsay W...and anyone else i have called a Bestie....
thanks to all and i love you all and you are never forgotten but greatly missed
I have a tendancy. I have a tendancy to think and a the worse, think hard and long and grab an idea and run with it. Many of my greatest risks, have been well thought out, to a point moreso. But when one idea runs out, i go back to the drawing board and figuralize another great attempt to make it in this world. Many thought up plans were done that way, that never ended going anywhere in the end. Many i deas were thought up then scratched, then sometime later i almost regret not going with it.
These i deas then have a funny way of forming into Goals. That i pursue, in great desparte attempts, only becasue i leave it for so long until its about to explode. Ghen panic comes in and overtakes everything, and since i ama performer overall, so i can act cool clam and collected. Casue its all on the apperance these days isn't it? Aren't all we obsessed wirth nowadays are the outward appearnce of ourselves. How we dressis equivalent to the way our houses look. Oh yeah, go tthat remark froma homeless person themselves. Took a look at my jeans, there was a rip in them that spread an said, “Gosh!, i hope your place dosent look like your pants...” I loooked at her and havent lighted my smoke at that point, stared her straight in the facer and said, :Now what the Hell dose that mean?” She backed away again, slightly and said “well there a mess, i hope your house isnt a mess...” I glared her straight in the face and shook my head, casue i had nothing at that point to say, but i was more than willing to puch her in the face. I walked away, leaving it behind me, somehwat, until know, when i sit im my clean apartment, and look around and check the date on the expiry label. Says here i should be getting an eviction notice sometime soon. But honestly i dont hink it all about outsode apperance. Its whats inside that matters...the outside is just a shell..I love to have fun with my friends, but i am naturally a very quiet person, and i may look really tough and concrete but those are my walls talking. What you see on the outside is only a image of the vastness unknown. The Sea of darkness dwelling inside the shell. But its not all darkeness...it has wit and humor and a passion and compassion and care and love...and everything...i could ever ask for and it all came form differnt people who have impacted me, so i want to impact others in the same way....
Being jobless for more than a month, isnt the greastest vacation ever, casue when your unemployed, you dont get paid very much. You dont get paid to hand out resumes, you dont get paid to spned hours, walking around and looking for help wanted. You dont get very much when you have no job. It's not like i wasn't trying. Hell oi was out there in the thick of the jobsearch with multiples of resumes and cover letters and such. I passed to them to anyone who looked like they were hiring. And in that entire month i passed out about 125 resumes to various areas through out theCity of Edmonton. But out of everything i only get ONE interview at WEM in the large theater...3 days after my Rent was due thsat i could afford because i had no freaking job. They phone me July 3rd, after i had already been through my thinking and my goal preparing. I was like, sure...i really donthtink there is actually any point whatsoever in going to it. I have no home. I am staying here illegally, as of last tuesday and i need to figure out where to go.
So i have a certian someone who may be able to pick me up and take me away to B.C later this month. With the money i earn at “Work” at the Capital EX this year i can probably get somewhere over there, as a start. I need a change. I cant handle it here anymore. Everyone's all the same and everybody is all like boring and neutral. And since i have nothing holding me here anymore, i feel i should just head out and go see the world. Theres a whole life aheadof me and i know what i want to do with it. I just have to learn and explore and observe. Three things i am great at. So wether it be by foot or by trucker or any other form of transprotation i want to make it to the East coast by Next Summer. Its all about dreaming BIG and making your Goals HUGE and pushing yourself, and keeping things in persective.and looking at the bigger picture.i have never been more scared and more passionate at the same time...
There is absolutely nothing holding me here....i have 75Cents to my name at this monent, no job no house anymore. This city and tis province are so boring. My view of the open road make things so much closer...this world is huge..and im going to take it all on....one and for all....
There is a world out there. There is a world out there to be explored. I look at the world very much as i would look at my mind. Very deep, confusing, strange, complex, i little warped. And there are people out there that need to be impacted. I feel as though it is time that i go out not only to redefine my outlook and aspect of the world, to find myself in who i truly can be no matter how much it can get crazy.
I mean i have always lived on the edge of life, i have always pushed myself to the end of any situation and this will only be another projuect. Im always on the loook out for differnt persepctives. I am always open to talk to, to let you dig deeper. As solid as i look im actually quite the softie. I can open up easily and wont back down. All it takes is the first move. Willit be you or me
the open road, the new scents of air, the tastes of it all...I understand its going to be a rough start but being me and basically fighting for myself since the mere age of eight i believe i have a good head on my shoulders, a good support system and good observation skills. I have the Wit, the Humor the personality, the charisma to get into people and explore. I love society. I love to observe, i love to think i love to learn to educate. I apprecitate my world, this society i live in, the way things work and im willing to learn.
Many lives i have impacted and theresmany more out there. Its a quest. To the unknown, where i can find the meaning of it on my way, where i can change and alter. This is my freedom, this is my life. This is my risk and im going to do it. I fought my way into this world and im going to fight my way back out trying to toucha s many people as a i can on the way wether it be large or small.
I will have a future, i will have the name, and the knowlegde to work it. And im going in full throttle.
A huge thank you to all of those people who have touched me, who have raised me, who have taught me, who have impacted me, who have loved me to unbelieveable depths, who have worried who have cared, who have dug deeper and to thos e of which i could do the same.
Thank you to my parents. Including various Friends parents who have taken me in, The only person in this world i can trust to call my own mother Karen for teaching me so much and for disciplining me and for loving me and never giving up. To my Adoptive mother who gave me the first love no matter how small it was. It impacted me. I will never for get the few good times we've had. TO my birth mother who gave me life...or i ouwldnt be able to fulfill this destiny
To my Fathers. Those who have been a father ffigure in my life. To my Dad Glenn, who has taught me, lectured me, accepted me, sat around with me, taught me to drive, taken my side, and loved me. To my Adoptive Father who has been with me my whole life the only one i know as my Father. Whos supported me, whos cared for me, whos watched ffrom a distance, gave me as much of a childhood as he could of with his own two hands...you rhard work goes a long way. To my birth father, who donated to this life....a part of you is with me even if i will never meet you.
To my Siblings all over, who have gotten in trouble with me, had fun with me, dealt with me, cried with me, comfrted me, helped me and loved me. Especially to my Litttle Sister Summer Rose as young as you are have impacted me greatky with your innocence, your curiosity, your meaningful words and touching pictures drawing and any amount spent with you day in and day out...watching you grow. The amazing gift of life you fulfill with your spirit keep me going. I love you
to my extended family, who has watched me grow up all these years and helped me out along the way with praise and critisism. Gifts and anything that has touched me.
TO my Lovers and my Exs for allowing me to find a part of me, to digging deeper into myself, for loving me mostly. And caring and support and quality time...I Love You all
and to my Friends. Each and every one of you has searched me, known me, let me talk, let me cry, let me rejoice, let me survive, let me learn, and loved me. You mean the world to me. I wouldnt want anything elese than all of you in my life to help me, support me, call me, take me out to dinner, and anything else that was small and insignifigant to those that was huge and forced me to swallow my pride at once. Who made me break, who broke down my walls who unmasked me for who i am all thru my upbringing. I cant begin to name you all. My Class mates all 12 years, my Church friends, my Blaze Friends, my Dancing friends, my random friends, my Nexopia friends..all of you have helped me grow wether greatly or just little. I appreciate you in all you are.
To my Best Friends who have held me thru the bight, who have slapped me in the face, who sat there as i flodded on your shoulder, who have spent the quality time one on one that measn the most to me. Those to who i have told my deepest secrets, my worst qualities, my greatest fears, my deepest lyrics, my everything. I owe it al to you for dupporting me all this time. For Never giving up, for bnever turning you r back, for never forgetting....and for making those memories that are burned to my own memory you are not forgotten====
Raina T, Nona L, Anthony C, Anthony M, Kim K. Ashley O. Cassie B, Petra M, Alison B, Shelby S, Lindsay W...and anyone else i have called a Bestie....
thanks to all and i love you all and you are never forgotten but greatly missed
my P.O.V
My P.O.V
ok so its four am, and i havent eaten in a while, im living on the edge of a virtural reality to come true in the slowest of forms. Why do my days have to be so dark and long...i have no idea how i am going to survive..it gets cold sometimes in the middle of the night when you have nownere to go...but i dunno, its like im back to square one...except im not running from my mother. im running toiwards my future..cause we all know theres a day out there and it has my name on it. Every day is a risk but i live in this world so i better live it to the fullest. Day in nad then right back out i have a few mottos in my life
If i live by this and by this only, i feel i can get somewhere, wether it be on the streets as a street rat, or in a large mansion with everythingi could ever ask for. I Gotit made. I mean i am not a material person. i cherish what i have and whatever i cannot pack i leave behind. we live in a world of Mass Production so i can always get a new one, even if it means a little looking behind the scenes. Ask a question, A simple innocent question can make it or break it. Hey even ask me. i could have an answer. i mean i take walks and on those walk it thik, i plan, i dream, i imagine, i look deeper into society and i develop my own personal belielfs and values...;
the more i follow these simple guidelines, the better life is..the more i succeed.
I mean a typical day to me is as follows
Yes you can say Im FUCKED..but get used to it. I Love it. Why not Love me for who i am or who i can be....
but im running out of ideas to write about....
ok so its four am, and i havent eaten in a while, im living on the edge of a virtural reality to come true in the slowest of forms. Why do my days have to be so dark and long...i have no idea how i am going to survive..it gets cold sometimes in the middle of the night when you have nownere to go...but i dunno, its like im back to square one...except im not running from my mother. im running toiwards my future..cause we all know theres a day out there and it has my name on it. Every day is a risk but i live in this world so i better live it to the fullest. Day in nad then right back out i have a few mottos in my life
thay are as follows
1.) S E I Z E T H E D A Y-- My names Written All Over it
2.) i fought my way into this life, im going to fight my way back out
3.) P.L.U.R- Peace.Love.Unity. Respect
4.) Dance=Religion=Passion
5.) N E V E R L O O K B E H I N D. L LO O K T O W A R D S T H A T H O I Z I O N. its calling out to you..Claim it
1.) S E I Z E T H E D A Y-- My names Written All Over it
2.) i fought my way into this life, im going to fight my way back out
3.) P.L.U.R- Peace.Love.Unity. Respect
4.) Dance=Religion=Passion
5.) N E V E R L O O K B E H I N D. L LO O K T O W A R D S T H A T H O I Z I O N. its calling out to you..Claim it
If i live by this and by this only, i feel i can get somewhere, wether it be on the streets as a street rat, or in a large mansion with everythingi could ever ask for. I Gotit made. I mean i am not a material person. i cherish what i have and whatever i cannot pack i leave behind. we live in a world of Mass Production so i can always get a new one, even if it means a little looking behind the scenes. Ask a question, A simple innocent question can make it or break it. Hey even ask me. i could have an answer. i mean i take walks and on those walk it thik, i plan, i dream, i imagine, i look deeper into society and i develop my own personal belielfs and values...;
1.) I believe in a Higher Power...hey Maybe God is a Girl
2.) Everybody has a history
3.) Something you just cant think enough for
4.) i value my honesty, my trusthwortyness, my spontaneous-ness, most importnantly my F R E E D O M
5.) I never know when im making a memory...so keep that in check
6.) I impact people everyday. i dont need to wait until THAT MOMENT when someone tells me when im old and retired and saggy and my looks have left, and my style has altered....im doing it right now..Live and Streaming in Full color and Time
7.) Tims is a nuisance
8.) Confidence= look good, feel good, Be good..all around Full Circle
9.) your friends are your Family, when your family aren't your friends
10.) WEED is a Friend. CRACK and anything smoked thru a small Glass=End of Your LIFE Little Pills=good times and a story told in a mass flurry of blazing bright sticks....
2.) Everybody has a history
3.) Something you just cant think enough for
4.) i value my honesty, my trusthwortyness, my spontaneous-ness, most importnantly my F R E E D O M
5.) I never know when im making a memory...so keep that in check
6.) I impact people everyday. i dont need to wait until THAT MOMENT when someone tells me when im old and retired and saggy and my looks have left, and my style has altered....im doing it right now..Live and Streaming in Full color and Time
7.) Tims is a nuisance
8.) Confidence= look good, feel good, Be good..all around Full Circle
9.) your friends are your Family, when your family aren't your friends
10.) WEED is a Friend. CRACK and anything smoked thru a small Glass=End of Your LIFE Little Pills=good times and a story told in a mass flurry of blazing bright sticks....
the more i follow these simple guidelines, the better life is..the more i succeed.
I mean a typical day to me is as follows
Sun Up
3pm-Wake up=7am
4pm-Out in Public=8am
5-8pm-Hang/work/chill/walk=9-12pm
9pm-Lunch/Drag up/Work...=1pm
10pm-3am=DANCE Outlet=2-7pm
4am-6am=fin a friend to talk with and hangout with/walk home..ect...or work (Busk) = 8-9pm
7 to 3-SLEEP yesss = 10pm-6am
3pm-Wake up=7am
4pm-Out in Public=8am
5-8pm-Hang/work/chill/walk=9-12pm
9pm-Lunch/Drag up/Work...=1pm
10pm-3am=DANCE Outlet=2-7pm
4am-6am=fin a friend to talk with and hangout with/walk home..ect...or work (Busk) = 8-9pm
7 to 3-SLEEP yesss = 10pm-6am
To Sun Up
Yes you can say Im FUCKED..but get used to it. I Love it. Why not Love me for who i am or who i can be....
but im running out of ideas to write about....
MORE TO COME
Altar Ego
JAYDEN HAYNES
Chameleon of Seven's
7 different personalities in your dramatical life....in this dramtical WORLD
ALSO -RAVER, TRANCE, Dancer, spinner,
comedian, entertainer, performer
Drag KING by night...
Mr. Jayden Haynes
Chameleon of Seven's
7 different personalities in your dramatical life....in this dramtical WORLD
ALSO -RAVER, TRANCE, Dancer, spinner,
comedian, entertainer, performer
Drag KING by night...
Mr. Jayden Haynes
Friday the 13th REmixed
FRIDAY the 13th....i swear to god
THE SHORT VERSION
FUCKED UP, must of beeen a few weeks behind on the Friday 13th...*-)
THE EXTEDED version of my night...actually day....
**Names changed to protect Privacy**
*sigh* aiight, so here it is at 1:30 this afternoon, i awake from a long slumber in the dreamless depths of my sleep. To awaken to the fact that i could of slept more if i tried, but i mean it was just after 12pm. So i awake, to meet my lady, the beauty i speak to thru a screen here at home on a daily basis. So we chat it up, i have to head out to buy a few things for Sundays Drag Show, Jayden Haynes DEBUT...so i pick that up, grab some lunch at the hot dog stand and walk back. Keep in mind i am still sobering up from last nights drunken High correct, so everything is still spinning and tilted. I finally make it home to once again converse with this fine woman. Then it strikes me i have a concert to be at in about 45mins, so i dress up again, and head out uptown. Meeting a friend of mine, we walk and talk about RAVE clubs and other good stuff found down east...so then we meet another friend this time we go buy some smoke and i head out to the square at which the concert will be happening. So i rock out at the square, had a beer, and stood around, from there i get dinner and meet up with some other Mohawk-ians, fairly young but attractive hawks. So then we head out to another square, roll a smoke and pass around. so then we go get some good water at the near by store, from there i make my way home, and get ready for the double shift at my clubbing. i hook, up and have another smoke and head out...from here, pretty sure my mother was trying to syke me out by tripping me out with the rental car, i shook my head and continued walking making sure i lose them on the way...
AT the club, the tunes are spinning, i jump on the phone with Ay, and have a short conversation and who walks up but F** and C***** (DRAMA #1) whilst i'm on the phone with Ay. of course they we there and meeting up with the supposed 'engaged' girlfriend. o.O So we wait to go back in side and seven or more other people i knew show up, i give them a hug when out of nowhere the Bi-sexual chicks i wanted to hook up with come together on there own. No men involved. (DRAMA #2) so my friend and acquaintances have arrived when who else decided to show up but the chick we wanted to take home ( me and C***** last Saturday). Turns out she has a big tall butch girlfriend. (DRAMA #3) So we all inside dancing i am so fucked up right now, half feeling completely awkward and confused. So at this point i meet Nicklebert and Aa*** and Nikki. So i feel as though Nikki doesn't want to talk to me right about now, just from the past and stuff like that. >.< (DRAMA #4) and who else just to top this off to make it even theres an unnamed personnel in the club that i have a feeling is talking jack about me behind my back but obviously in front of me (DRAMA #5) so here we are all like confused, i got to have another smoke before i have to leave for my next Bar shift. AND to make my night that much more...a drunken girl whos hot for butch chicks stops me from going in and makes out, sucks my face as i go inside. (sub-DRAMA #1) So im in the club and look who i find next to the bar but the very same chick and her girlfriend..conveniently. These chicks i met at the Broken Hero concert, asked for a cigarette and then saw them at pride the next day. We conversed and i throw a few flirts out to play along. (sub-DRAMA #2) then theres all my friends and good stuff like that. But out off all of this im taking a break from the drama pool on the dance floor, feeling completely awkwarded out by Ken getting physically mauled by her butch girlfriend along the front cage, right beside the young chick i was dancing with keeping a short eye on C***** and F**, when in this time i take a break and decide to leave before getting drowned on the floor by all this amusing drama, Me and Nikki decide to make up and become friends again, i hope she wasn't kidding cause i really do miss her alot. So i finally LEAVE, pretty well running away from the dramatics...
i swear to god if my life was a sitcom, fuck it was great. Best day of my life thus far, and instead of feeling all paranoid and shy and lame like that, i was so mellow and laid back laughing so hard in my head when i feel its a good idea to check out and see how the Y AFTERhours club is like. I walk up to line and meet this guy smoking a smoke all by himself in line and he offers me a drag i take a few, so its all good and turns out freaking cover was 16 dollars. Suppose it was a special night, guest DJ's. So he offers to pay and gets me in, i hand him my original cover and said thanks and continued out. I observed and go to know this club. turns out to be a good place. the floor jumps, and it a trance, rave techno club. Lightsticks and bright flashy things everywhere, trippy lasers and bright clothing. the floor jumped and move in rhythm to the DJ. so i observed the fancy footwork and glowing sticks made into little balls. I ws in the low form of it, getting tired and needing rest.
so i continue on home and jst am right here writing this.
what a random day, more random than yesterday....
*lights a smoke*
Have a Fucked Day...on the house
Jay
THE SHORT VERSION
FUCKED UP, must of beeen a few weeks behind on the Friday 13th...*-)
THE EXTEDED version of my night...actually day....
**Names changed to protect Privacy**
*sigh* aiight, so here it is at 1:30 this afternoon, i awake from a long slumber in the dreamless depths of my sleep. To awaken to the fact that i could of slept more if i tried, but i mean it was just after 12pm. So i awake, to meet my lady, the beauty i speak to thru a screen here at home on a daily basis. So we chat it up, i have to head out to buy a few things for Sundays Drag Show, Jayden Haynes DEBUT...so i pick that up, grab some lunch at the hot dog stand and walk back. Keep in mind i am still sobering up from last nights drunken High correct, so everything is still spinning and tilted. I finally make it home to once again converse with this fine woman. Then it strikes me i have a concert to be at in about 45mins, so i dress up again, and head out uptown. Meeting a friend of mine, we walk and talk about RAVE clubs and other good stuff found down east...so then we meet another friend this time we go buy some smoke and i head out to the square at which the concert will be happening. So i rock out at the square, had a beer, and stood around, from there i get dinner and meet up with some other Mohawk-ians, fairly young but attractive hawks. So then we head out to another square, roll a smoke and pass around. so then we go get some good water at the near by store, from there i make my way home, and get ready for the double shift at my clubbing. i hook, up and have another smoke and head out...from here, pretty sure my mother was trying to syke me out by tripping me out with the rental car, i shook my head and continued walking making sure i lose them on the way...
AT the club, the tunes are spinning, i jump on the phone with Ay, and have a short conversation and who walks up but F** and C***** (DRAMA #1) whilst i'm on the phone with Ay. of course they we there and meeting up with the supposed 'engaged' girlfriend. o.O So we wait to go back in side and seven or more other people i knew show up, i give them a hug when out of nowhere the Bi-sexual chicks i wanted to hook up with come together on there own. No men involved. (DRAMA #2) so my friend and acquaintances have arrived when who else decided to show up but the chick we wanted to take home ( me and C***** last Saturday). Turns out she has a big tall butch girlfriend. (DRAMA #3) So we all inside dancing i am so fucked up right now, half feeling completely awkward and confused. So at this point i meet Nicklebert and Aa*** and Nikki. So i feel as though Nikki doesn't want to talk to me right about now, just from the past and stuff like that. >.< (DRAMA #4) and who else just to top this off to make it even theres an unnamed personnel in the club that i have a feeling is talking jack about me behind my back but obviously in front of me (DRAMA #5) so here we are all like confused, i got to have another smoke before i have to leave for my next Bar shift. AND to make my night that much more...a drunken girl whos hot for butch chicks stops me from going in and makes out, sucks my face as i go inside. (sub-DRAMA #1) So im in the club and look who i find next to the bar but the very same chick and her girlfriend..conveniently. These chicks i met at the Broken Hero concert, asked for a cigarette and then saw them at pride the next day. We conversed and i throw a few flirts out to play along. (sub-DRAMA #2) then theres all my friends and good stuff like that. But out off all of this im taking a break from the drama pool on the dance floor, feeling completely awkwarded out by Ken getting physically mauled by her butch girlfriend along the front cage, right beside the young chick i was dancing with keeping a short eye on C***** and F**, when in this time i take a break and decide to leave before getting drowned on the floor by all this amusing drama, Me and Nikki decide to make up and become friends again, i hope she wasn't kidding cause i really do miss her alot. So i finally LEAVE, pretty well running away from the dramatics...
i swear to god if my life was a sitcom, fuck it was great. Best day of my life thus far, and instead of feeling all paranoid and shy and lame like that, i was so mellow and laid back laughing so hard in my head when i feel its a good idea to check out and see how the Y AFTERhours club is like. I walk up to line and meet this guy smoking a smoke all by himself in line and he offers me a drag i take a few, so its all good and turns out freaking cover was 16 dollars. Suppose it was a special night, guest DJ's. So he offers to pay and gets me in, i hand him my original cover and said thanks and continued out. I observed and go to know this club. turns out to be a good place. the floor jumps, and it a trance, rave techno club. Lightsticks and bright flashy things everywhere, trippy lasers and bright clothing. the floor jumped and move in rhythm to the DJ. so i observed the fancy footwork and glowing sticks made into little balls. I ws in the low form of it, getting tired and needing rest.
so i continue on home and jst am right here writing this.
what a random day, more random than yesterday....
*lights a smoke*
Have a Fucked Day...on the house
Jay
follow closely...i had a dream
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
back
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
had to help my mom with supper stuff
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
awe yes
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
supper
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
whats fer supper tonite
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
smashed taters.... uhm, pork something or other, spinach soufflé
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
and strawberry sortcake cupcakes for desert
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
mwahaha
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
shortcake*
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
dessert*
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
yum
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
kk im coming over for dinner kk
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
haha, kk
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
tell your mom to expect like company
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
lol, we are, but she might not show up, so get here and you can have her share
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
oh someones coming over
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
maybe, probably not, but she might, so we have to make extras just in case
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
oh
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lmao
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i NEVER get company in my lowly shack, or loft
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
its alil depressing
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
awwww
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
yeah just a tad bit
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
you should soooooo come heree
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i sooo shud if i can afford
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
it*
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i really really really really want to
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
you dont have to worry about busses, i'm sure Wayne will drive you on his way back
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
hes a nice guy
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i wasnt worried about getting there
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i was worried about tieing up buisness here
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
*nods*
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean if someone just handed me 1400 buxk tommorrow hell id be gone so fast
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
wait make that 2000
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
id givde nick his share, pay my bills ofr two months, and get the hell out, hitch or something
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
im good at hitching..but its my stupid bills here
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean you know what i could od
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
do
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i thought about it last night a lil
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
whats that
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
...sell a shit load of my stuff, like pawn it off
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
and pack up a weeks of clothes in a small bag and just freeload it for a year all ariund Canada
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i know how to work it
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean its a risk, i'd risk my health, my life, and stuff, but its an adventure
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
just go all around, i mean nothing tieing me down here anymore
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
i wanna go with ou... lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i've heard of people who just hitch all over Canada nd the States, and freeload kinda,
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
its would be such an adventure, you meet super cool peopl ein hostels and stuff, and youd risk everything
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
id startout with however much i get from selling my personalls here, which would be like a good couple hundred
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
you gotta come here first at least... lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
yeah
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i'd pick you up!!
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lmao
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
then we'd peace out.....
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lmao
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
hahaha
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
steal me away
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
but i'd rahter you finish your schooling first and at least Graduate first beofre attempting any sort of mad crazitastical adventures
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean im graduated and shit like that, i have a good head on my shoulders, and yeah
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
not to say that you dont but just saying if you have a grade 12 education then it makes it thayt much better
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
*nods*
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
ugh, this is what i hate about how i am, all my friends are graduated and they get to travel and stuff and i'm stuck here -_-
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
casue i was thinkin gon the way, if you do end up coming with me eventually, we can hook up with all these cool people like peircers and stuff, and get to know a trade and once we get tired of touring and find a city, we ccould get our apprenticeships and start trianing in a cirty, get a good hold ahten eventually open our bar thing
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
or you can forfit it all and just hang out with me, we can spend weeks in various cities before getting thrown out and earning money off panhandleing, and such
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean, we can leanr to Busk, and participate in all thes ecertian festivals, and most cities offer free wireless internet so we can make a north American Tour,
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
or we could just hook up with a band of somesort, become really good friends and be like the stage handlers and people like that
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i dunno, i just get all these weird fantasys and dreams,
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
sorry
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
I like them
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i see how this world works and i say to myself, man i xould tottaly do this, i mean my mother wont really like my ideas, but this world is a world where its screaming for self expression
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean we could find some sort of project and work on it, like an art form, or if we can learn how to photography and such, i mean you have really cool photography skills and we could display them
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
man i have all the things to be famous its just me getting my foot in a door
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
*hugs* it sounds fun
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i am fun
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i love fun, things have to be fun, of they arent, weell i'll make them fun
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
my personalitiy and my world views and charisma can get me somewhere
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
and now i suppose i have my looks to add to that list!!@ lmao
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
lol yupp
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
then we could get sponsered and get rich and famous and it all came form a random idea opver MSN in the middle of a mid-life crisis
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean FUCK there is absolutley nothing holding me back here except my bills
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i'll just get rid of them like that
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
and BAM off i go to explore the world
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i know how to say no tot people and things, but hey im getting so god damn bored of this city
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i want to explore and search and travel and get the hell out of here
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
theres a world to explore and i want tot do it before i either kill myself or get myself killed
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
ack, i gotta go eat kk? ill be back in a while, keep typing, whatever you're thinking, i wanna read it when i get back
back
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
had to help my mom with supper stuff
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
awe yes
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
supper
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
whats fer supper tonite
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
smashed taters.... uhm, pork something or other, spinach soufflé
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
and strawberry sortcake cupcakes for desert
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
mwahaha
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
shortcake*
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
dessert*
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
yum
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
kk im coming over for dinner kk
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
haha, kk
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
tell your mom to expect like company
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
lol, we are, but she might not show up, so get here and you can have her share
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
oh someones coming over
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
maybe, probably not, but she might, so we have to make extras just in case
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
oh
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lmao
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i NEVER get company in my lowly shack, or loft
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
its alil depressing
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
awwww
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
yeah just a tad bit
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
you should soooooo come heree
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i sooo shud if i can afford
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
it*
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i really really really really want to
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
you dont have to worry about busses, i'm sure Wayne will drive you on his way back
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
hes a nice guy
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i wasnt worried about getting there
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i was worried about tieing up buisness here
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
*nods*
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean if someone just handed me 1400 buxk tommorrow hell id be gone so fast
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
wait make that 2000
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
id givde nick his share, pay my bills ofr two months, and get the hell out, hitch or something
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
im good at hitching..but its my stupid bills here
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean you know what i could od
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
do
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i thought about it last night a lil
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
whats that
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
...sell a shit load of my stuff, like pawn it off
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
and pack up a weeks of clothes in a small bag and just freeload it for a year all ariund Canada
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i know how to work it
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean its a risk, i'd risk my health, my life, and stuff, but its an adventure
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
just go all around, i mean nothing tieing me down here anymore
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
i wanna go with ou... lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i've heard of people who just hitch all over Canada nd the States, and freeload kinda,
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
its would be such an adventure, you meet super cool peopl ein hostels and stuff, and youd risk everything
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
id startout with however much i get from selling my personalls here, which would be like a good couple hundred
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
you gotta come here first at least... lol
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
yeah
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i'd pick you up!!
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lmao
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
then we'd peace out.....
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
lmao
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
hahaha
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
steal me away
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
but i'd rahter you finish your schooling first and at least Graduate first beofre attempting any sort of mad crazitastical adventures
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean im graduated and shit like that, i have a good head on my shoulders, and yeah
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
not to say that you dont but just saying if you have a grade 12 education then it makes it thayt much better
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
*nods*
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
ugh, this is what i hate about how i am, all my friends are graduated and they get to travel and stuff and i'm stuck here -_-
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
casue i was thinkin gon the way, if you do end up coming with me eventually, we can hook up with all these cool people like peircers and stuff, and get to know a trade and once we get tired of touring and find a city, we ccould get our apprenticeships and start trianing in a cirty, get a good hold ahten eventually open our bar thing
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
or you can forfit it all and just hang out with me, we can spend weeks in various cities before getting thrown out and earning money off panhandleing, and such
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean, we can leanr to Busk, and participate in all thes ecertian festivals, and most cities offer free wireless internet so we can make a north American Tour,
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
or we could just hook up with a band of somesort, become really good friends and be like the stage handlers and people like that
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i dunno, i just get all these weird fantasys and dreams,
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
sorry
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
I like them
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i see how this world works and i say to myself, man i xould tottaly do this, i mean my mother wont really like my ideas, but this world is a world where its screaming for self expression
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean we could find some sort of project and work on it, like an art form, or if we can learn how to photography and such, i mean you have really cool photography skills and we could display them
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
man i have all the things to be famous its just me getting my foot in a door
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
*hugs* it sounds fun
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i am fun
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i love fun, things have to be fun, of they arent, weell i'll make them fun
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
my personalitiy and my world views and charisma can get me somewhere
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
and now i suppose i have my looks to add to that list!!@ lmao
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
lol yupp
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
then we could get sponsered and get rich and famous and it all came form a random idea opver MSN in the middle of a mid-life crisis
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i mean FUCK there is absolutley nothing holding me back here except my bills
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i'll just get rid of them like that
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
and BAM off i go to explore the world
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i know how to say no tot people and things, but hey im getting so god damn bored of this city
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
i want to explore and search and travel and get the hell out of here
C O N T E M P LA T I O N--xXRe-SilenceXx-- RAWR I'm a Dinosaur!! says:
theres a world to explore and i want tot do it before i either kill myself or get myself killed
P U Z Z L E -- ßöŋ ßöŋ Łą Ŗŏċķ -- RAWR i'm a rainbow says:
ack, i gotta go eat kk? ill be back in a while, keep typing, whatever you're thinking, i wanna read it when i get back
the first days of summer...in love...
THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER
you know its the first day summer when.....
your on the phone to your AMAZING Girlfriend looking for your phone that your talking to her on, to see if one of your friends text ed you....
At 2 o'clock in the morning when the Sun's out
On June 33rd
talking about drinking hard liquor like no problem and never getting hangovers
fantasizing about going distant places that never existed....or all the fun stuff
and laughing so hard, we cry...so we have to drop it and walk away....and then take 10 mins out of the conversation to refocus, then forget why we were laughing in the first place, then laugh all over....
and singing sappy love songs over that phone you thought you lost...
or acting foolishly half drunk, when your completely smashed and hammered...
at 2am in the morning under the cool sunshine
on June 33rd...
THE END
written by Ayla and Jazz...on June 23 at am over the phone watching the moon...
<3
where the only thing stopping us from talking all night is the death of our phones and our tiredness....
these are the good days i want to last forever....
I Love You Babe...
Theres nothing you can do to stop that.
you know its the first day summer when.....
your on the phone to your AMAZING Girlfriend looking for your phone that your talking to her on, to see if one of your friends text ed you....
At 2 o'clock in the morning when the Sun's out
On June 33rd
talking about drinking hard liquor like no problem and never getting hangovers
fantasizing about going distant places that never existed....or all the fun stuff
and laughing so hard, we cry...so we have to drop it and walk away....and then take 10 mins out of the conversation to refocus, then forget why we were laughing in the first place, then laugh all over....
and singing sappy love songs over that phone you thought you lost...
or acting foolishly half drunk, when your completely smashed and hammered...
at 2am in the morning under the cool sunshine
on June 33rd...
THE END
written by Ayla and Jazz...on June 23 at am over the phone watching the moon...
<3
where the only thing stopping us from talking all night is the death of our phones and our tiredness....
these are the good days i want to last forever....
I Love You Babe...
Theres nothing you can do to stop that.
So basically my life is crap this last three or four weeks....
.
but
wanna klnow how?
Well i'll tellyou right here right now
So i came back from Saskatoon and heard that Heather was moving out.Yay. But with not even a attempt to pay me a cent...alas i was short, and i really didnt care. Rathered her out then never paying her way.
Second a good thing this time, Twitchy wasnt really mad at me, just really busy. So that showed i was being overly parranoid at the situation and tletting my thoughts control me....
Shortly after i had a Interview with College Pro and they Hooked me up onto the painting team. So far life is going great. Trwo great jobs i can be stoked for in every way and its awesome. Got to hang with some now close friends in the park a couple times. So it was overall good good.
Shortly after my Phone starts to die and refuses to charge off my charger....its lame i didnt know what to do, so i decided i needed a new phone anyways, along with some other stuff as well....So i got my credit card working and its all good, until i go tot use the credit card and they put a hold on it. A hold on the only moeny i have left to pay my bills and rent. That whouldnt be too good, so they say send in some id and stuff...blah blah blah...so i do and yadda yadda....No credit card to help in the transition for my jobs....
Oh so my phone is dead and i cannt use it casue the battry and the back up battery are dead....so im driving around Edmonton trying to find a job site on the Saturday morning, driving around driving around,then when i ge there there all gone to the OTHER job site..!! grrr...so im kinda like getting pissed off now so i head back to the other site and finally begin work in the early afternoon....Boss tells me to get a phone fornext time so i tell her i maybe late monday morning....
Monday comes, a few friends helped me out this month and i really appreciated it or i would be on the street right now....no joke...so monday comes and im have to chase a cheque around to get this phone and such...which i do, i get my phone and its all good, or so i htink.....but i call my boss she says, dont bother....
Tuesday, i get up im on my way to work, i get to work on time 10 mins early, looking over the jobsite and shes like “Why you here?” i'm like to work....shes like you cant just show up to work anytime you want...im like, not going to argue or make excuses and wwaste my time..i let it go, and walked away...pissed off she didnt give me a chance....
So im out looking for a job with my friend Ash and i go home after and get a call o the Wednesday of my OTHER boss saying....we have to terminate your employment here....we need a strong closer you tend to fade away at the end of your shift....Oh really> you mean im supposed to be energizer bunny ffor 12 hours straight?? Wow i never go that memo, oh what do you mean i have to ASKfo rmy breaks....what do you mean your looking to hire a robot....*sigh*
so now im get really depressed over the next three days casue my life is vbasically over. Im living under a roof that wasnt even paid for by me....i have no job now at all, im all alone to drown in my thoughts and i have to keep a strong face and all i wnat to do is tlak to my best firned whos three thousand ,miles away....the worst week of my life....
And if thats not enough i keep handing out resumes and i get no calls or any leads,
AND to add to all of it, i get a letter last night saying i wasnt accepted to go to school this fall....
so im a nervous wreck waiting to explode....OR dissolve or both...
My life is over theres no point in trying , i have reached utter failure in my life and theres nothing beyond this horizon.
I didnt see any of this coming at me, and it hit me like a thousand sharp knives all over my soul....
I feel fat, and i havent eaten very much, people are trying to make me happy, but i cant really focus but all my losses anf failures....
no money and nothing seeems to be working right...what the fuck....
GRRRRR
.
but
wanna klnow how?
Well i'll tellyou right here right now
So i came back from Saskatoon and heard that Heather was moving out.Yay. But with not even a attempt to pay me a cent...alas i was short, and i really didnt care. Rathered her out then never paying her way.
Second a good thing this time, Twitchy wasnt really mad at me, just really busy. So that showed i was being overly parranoid at the situation and tletting my thoughts control me....
Shortly after i had a Interview with College Pro and they Hooked me up onto the painting team. So far life is going great. Trwo great jobs i can be stoked for in every way and its awesome. Got to hang with some now close friends in the park a couple times. So it was overall good good.
Shortly after my Phone starts to die and refuses to charge off my charger....its lame i didnt know what to do, so i decided i needed a new phone anyways, along with some other stuff as well....So i got my credit card working and its all good, until i go tot use the credit card and they put a hold on it. A hold on the only moeny i have left to pay my bills and rent. That whouldnt be too good, so they say send in some id and stuff...blah blah blah...so i do and yadda yadda....No credit card to help in the transition for my jobs....
Oh so my phone is dead and i cannt use it casue the battry and the back up battery are dead....so im driving around Edmonton trying to find a job site on the Saturday morning, driving around driving around,then when i ge there there all gone to the OTHER job site..!! grrr...so im kinda like getting pissed off now so i head back to the other site and finally begin work in the early afternoon....Boss tells me to get a phone fornext time so i tell her i maybe late monday morning....
Monday comes, a few friends helped me out this month and i really appreciated it or i would be on the street right now....no joke...so monday comes and im have to chase a cheque around to get this phone and such...which i do, i get my phone and its all good, or so i htink.....but i call my boss she says, dont bother....
Tuesday, i get up im on my way to work, i get to work on time 10 mins early, looking over the jobsite and shes like “Why you here?” i'm like to work....shes like you cant just show up to work anytime you want...im like, not going to argue or make excuses and wwaste my time..i let it go, and walked away...pissed off she didnt give me a chance....
So im out looking for a job with my friend Ash and i go home after and get a call o the Wednesday of my OTHER boss saying....we have to terminate your employment here....we need a strong closer you tend to fade away at the end of your shift....Oh really> you mean im supposed to be energizer bunny ffor 12 hours straight?? Wow i never go that memo, oh what do you mean i have to ASKfo rmy breaks....what do you mean your looking to hire a robot....*sigh*
so now im get really depressed over the next three days casue my life is vbasically over. Im living under a roof that wasnt even paid for by me....i have no job now at all, im all alone to drown in my thoughts and i have to keep a strong face and all i wnat to do is tlak to my best firned whos three thousand ,miles away....the worst week of my life....
And if thats not enough i keep handing out resumes and i get no calls or any leads,
AND to add to all of it, i get a letter last night saying i wasnt accepted to go to school this fall....
so im a nervous wreck waiting to explode....OR dissolve or both...
My life is over theres no point in trying , i have reached utter failure in my life and theres nothing beyond this horizon.
I didnt see any of this coming at me, and it hit me like a thousand sharp knives all over my soul....
I feel fat, and i havent eaten very much, people are trying to make me happy, but i cant really focus but all my losses anf failures....
no money and nothing seeems to be working right...what the fuck....
GRRRRR
Series of Events....?
| these are a series of peoms written in the dark ages of my Summer 2008...things werent looking to good and i was slightly depressed so these poems all came rambling out Calm before the strom | |||
| Storm clouds come nearer presenting the dark image of fear As night closes in all around it gets cold The sky was once a canvas of vast colors and textures slowly turning from Blue to a light pink, possibly purple Everything was once beautified And everything was once warm then al at once it starts to Predeem the insanity of darkness The light over comes my mind and i am at a risk of a loss of my faith Slowly the dead come back and swarm all around I am not sure where to go or even what to do So i look to a light or whats left of it It is quickly getting darker But all i can feel is peace and a sense of calm quite possibly the last for i am going head first to a strom of what i am unsure i have no anchor and my sails are broke the wind looks promising to uproar and confusion as i watch the stromclouds come near All is calm, and is right for this moment the last in the sun and the warmth washes away the fear but the rain will come ansd wash it all away whatever is left like a flood to wash away my footing and i am left in a sea of death and destruction oh what to do...with no saftey net | |||
| | |||
| Promises | |||
| She runs from the darkness and hides from the light Only finding serenity in the budding sunlight By day she holds nothing but the pain inside her becasue the day dose nothing b but eat it up, no worries, no cares By night, she takes it out on the darkness that cloaks her inner most feelings as her mind slowly takes over She has nothing to do but fight off that moonlight and wait for the rise of the buddding sunlight For the Sunrise promises A new day and fresh beginnings A thing once lost no in the past And the Sunset promises The days now done theres no turning back when looking into the darkness It scares her to think that two contrasting images scare her so much and have that ability to change the way she thinks and alter her mind so that no one can understand no one can see the tainted burning image deep down in her eyes thats shes calling for help in a pit unknown for she feels all alone in a world so sharp and so complex she has nothing left | |||
| |||
| Image | |||
| A paint stained image with bright red shoes walks in the darkness just beside the light This image seems so happy so content and portrays that everything is under control and that nothing can go wrong But its whats deep down in side her, that really matters the most The pain and frustration of the future unknown Faced with responsibility she cannot seem to get a grip she turns away from the light as it seems to fade away she reaches out to find a dove or a rainbow casue her sun is setting on her amazingly good day We pray thanks for the good day the things done and whats left to come But what about right now In this time of desperation between loss of innocence and a gain of self reliance maybe i already lost both maybe there already long gone And all that is left is an image of a happy face and crazy spirit those paint stained pants and bright red shoes of whats hidden beneath the image of good looks its only a mask to be worn when the times right yet im not an actor nor have i ever i portray myself in the reflection of my feelings and the trueness and fulfillment of myself... IMAGE | |||
Quit the Analyzation
So i just got back from half running half walking around the river valley for the last hour and a bit. I walked through the Legislature grounds and i watched the Newly weds and there parties with the pictures of there special days so they can remember it for a life time. Because we all know they just promised a lifetime in the vows they spoke. From there i carried on to the top af the steps by the little club downthere by the LRT bridge. and i just stood there asnd watched life pass me by as i stood there, the breeze in my face and feeling so free and amazed at what is going on. how the trees are budding, how the clouds are rolling, how the river runs, how the grass turns green, how the rain falls on the ground and how the days rolls out. Im finding myself at a loss for words these days. like i took an oath of silence for the last bit. And i dont want to talk anyone i just want to drown in my thoughts and be still. So after some down time and observation i proceed down to the bottom of those stairs and book it across the road onto the bridge and across the river...at the end i am hardly alive cause i just ran full tilt like 2 km...or less...lol....butyeah then i just did a cool down walk and walked to the playground at Kinsmen. Wow that place is actually in real ife so small. I just reflected on how that park seems so much bigger when i wass smaller. And how everything was so new and exciting. how i wanted to be a kid again. I watched the younger generation explore. and thought. We all wondered. We all go thru the same thing. we just dont really know it, or realize it until like a moment i had. I watched all these people spend the lazy Saturday. I was on the swings and again it was such a different feeling then what i felt when i was younger. Its reality. I grew up. i am understanding the world and everything in it. but theres nothing i can do to stop it.i have to keep going. i guess if i made it this far i can surely keep going on. What to do in a life filled with mystery. Living by faith and not by sight. So i after i just walked home and here i am writing this.
i decided i think im going to start to take a day out of the week to have a day of relaxation and accept ion and just observation. Deal?
Sweet
i decided i think im going to start to take a day out of the week to have a day of relaxation and accept ion and just observation. Deal?
Sweet
Music
its the melody that
calms my soul
Its the truth that
speaks wisdom into
my mind and life
Every word sung
in these songs
have a deeper meaning
And i will continue to
Inject this morphine
that makes everything
seem so much better
The notes of a chordstruck
in the right time and place
The music that is so
pure and honest
the artists and i
have somethings in common
We draw the world and ourselves
In the form of music and words
That actually mean something to
the rest of the world
cause we all felt it
In every way
The intoxication of falling in love
the shattering of a broken heart
the pain of the thrid world
The truth of our society
Of everything that could happen
the worse has already become
So i make my life
out of what i become
and who i want to be
And music is just an
ingredient to the everturning
and everlasting society
Cause its music that calms the soul
And drowns out the real world
and everything we ever feared
and anything we ever knew
J
Sitting Waiting
i look outside
at the whole world
running around searching
and looking for purpose
its like were chasing
away the dreams
and the memories
that scar us
In the deepest cut
that we have felt
from the painful honestly
we go thru
And then we have to
cover it all up
With fakeness and masks
And pertend everything is alright
I want everything to
be true and honest
and open and new
I want to start now
I fear that i wont
be accepted in this
in who i am becasue
no one understands
i live my life symbolically
and i plan every aspect
even if it dosent need planning
it keeps me occupied
I do more than just words
i draw out my soul
i sketch my feelings
i rip out my heart
and set it on a silver platter
for her that walked away from me
And now i cant put it back in
She took it and ran
So now when the darkness ver comes
I am left wiht nothing but
the feelings of emptiness
thats pick at my being
and this is when i sit
at my window
for hours on end
in the silence
that haunts us when we wake
but comforts us when we sleep
In the muted everyday noise
That we hear but pay nothing
Everything so calm and controlled
and everything so easy and nice
a parade that cannot be rained on
the rain is only falling on me
Wonder Parft 2
Wonder Part 2
i often wonder
why life takes such
wild and strange turns
how it tip and sways
Sometimes i lie on my flat
and i listen to the muted noise
that i have listened to for the last 6 months
but when spring comes around
The bird start chirpping at 3 am in the morning
and i feela sense of peace
through out of everything
that has happned in the last 24 hours
i am comforted by the fact
that something so beautiful
could be so small
and its the little things that really matter
through out the day i wonder
why its so crazy
why its so hetic
and why cant anything be easy
but on the other hand
i am living in a very stable area
im not in Africa
im not is North Korea
These days have been
very emotionally attached
Very easily broken
Very vulnerable
And im not sure why
every 5 minutes i want
to rip apart my insides
and dig to the deeper void
its like theres a huge partitioning in my
life these days and i am not really sure
everything is so very confusing
and i cannot keep track
oh look a butterfly
i often wonder
why life takes such
wild and strange turns
how it tip and sways
Sometimes i lie on my flat
and i listen to the muted noise
that i have listened to for the last 6 months
but when spring comes around
The bird start chirpping at 3 am in the morning
and i feela sense of peace
through out of everything
that has happned in the last 24 hours
i am comforted by the fact
that something so beautiful
could be so small
and its the little things that really matter
through out the day i wonder
why its so crazy
why its so hetic
and why cant anything be easy
but on the other hand
i am living in a very stable area
im not in Africa
im not is North Korea
These days have been
very emotionally attached
Very easily broken
Very vulnerable
And im not sure why
every 5 minutes i want
to rip apart my insides
and dig to the deeper void
its like theres a huge partitioning in my
life these days and i am not really sure
everything is so very confusing
and i cannot keep track
oh look a butterfly
Wonder
Wonder
these days have been strange
Always shifting and sliding
i never seem to know what
is going to happen
Although sometimes i wish
it would just end
and i wouldn't have to worry
about anything
the lines on the street
keep going faster and faster
and i can hardly keep up
yet i am still sitting idling
Everything at a standstill
yet moving so fast
the people Dayton
have meetings
and coffee to keep them going
and all i have is sleep
and what little motivation
i have left in this life
I often wonder
what all these people think
what histories these people have
and why they stay so quiet
as children we are curios
and we wonder about the world
in its uniqueness and differences
and why that's like that
but as we grow older we wonder
why the world is the same
in every Little thing there is
in every little way
It this society
This generation that makes me smile
That makes me laugh out loud
That i cant believe this is me
That in front of me i have
this huge project
to vague some people
into individuals
I see us all as clones
And I'm the odd duck out
I want to be different
And there nothing you can do about that
Wondering could be classified as
as waste of time
But i think not
it keeps me occupied
and you wondering
what goes on in this mind...
This is how the mind grows after a few good months of no writing... but of observing and contemplating society....
these days have been strange
Always shifting and sliding
i never seem to know what
is going to happen
Although sometimes i wish
it would just end
and i wouldn't have to worry
about anything
the lines on the street
keep going faster and faster
and i can hardly keep up
yet i am still sitting idling
Everything at a standstill
yet moving so fast
the people Dayton
have meetings
and coffee to keep them going
and all i have is sleep
and what little motivation
i have left in this life
I often wonder
what all these people think
what histories these people have
and why they stay so quiet
as children we are curios
and we wonder about the world
in its uniqueness and differences
and why that's like that
but as we grow older we wonder
why the world is the same
in every Little thing there is
in every little way
It this society
This generation that makes me smile
That makes me laugh out loud
That i cant believe this is me
That in front of me i have
this huge project
to vague some people
into individuals
I see us all as clones
And I'm the odd duck out
I want to be different
And there nothing you can do about that
Wondering could be classified as
as waste of time
But i think not
it keeps me occupied
and you wondering
what goes on in this mind...
This is how the mind grows after a few good months of no writing... but of observing and contemplating society....
A couple Poems
just a couple poems i worte bac in the spring as i knew i was going to be going through a turmoil of somesort just wast sure about how long or how much it would affect me. It was my slight sense of ESP that was acting up so i had an urge to write some stuff....
the second poem is alot like that
====================================================================
I am
there are some people in this world that, only look at who you are on the outside.
By being myself and who i am in my full potential.
Everytime you lok at me and you think the negitive image, you are wrong.
So what about the mohawk. and black that fades my eyes
So what if i am a living contradiction
I am a temptaion and a challenge
To see if you can dissect, and evaluate
And see that there are people in this life that dont follow the norm and are thwre own person
I am one of those
I dare you
Because
I am a person. A Person who lives by faith and not by sight
I am a thinker and an analyzer, and at times a critic
I am A Child, a daughter, a friend
I am a listener, and speaker
I look on the inside and i dig deeper
I am not a Emo, and mosh head or a pot head
I am not an alcholic, or a binge drinker
I am no longer a smoker
A am not a back stabber or a loser
I do not judge or think the opposite
I try to not be a hypocrit
I listen to music and i relate
I read books and i get inspration
I watch movies and analyze life
And i watch society and i wonder
I write my stories
And i recite my poems
I wirte as i feel
and cry as i am over come
I love and can be loved
I have loved and have been broken
A will love and become stronger
And I should love but really dont want to
I am not a beauty, drag or prom queen
I am a leader, and supporter
I will follow and guide
And i will, pick up the broken peices
Theres a million peices of paper among my floor
and on those is words that
Explain or elaborate what i have felt
and where i was
Over time i have grown
Over time i have shaped
Over time, time was spent
On these thoughts
The wispers are gone
The suits that were white are gone
The cars no longer try to hit me
Moreso I try to hit them
My Wrists no longer bleed
My mind no longer black
The broken glass was cleaned up
and my mind was filled
Although i will tell you
there are still these walls
building higher and higher
As i learn to trust
Its a long walk
And a destined journey
All i need is help
And i want yours
J
Public entry posted on Friday May 9, 2008, 2:48 am Reply Delete Edit Report Top
the second poem is alot like that
====================================================================
I am
there are some people in this world that, only look at who you are on the outside.
By being myself and who i am in my full potential.
Everytime you lok at me and you think the negitive image, you are wrong.
So what about the mohawk. and black that fades my eyes
So what if i am a living contradiction
I am a temptaion and a challenge
To see if you can dissect, and evaluate
And see that there are people in this life that dont follow the norm and are thwre own person
I am one of those
I dare you
Because
I am a person. A Person who lives by faith and not by sight
I am a thinker and an analyzer, and at times a critic
I am A Child, a daughter, a friend
I am a listener, and speaker
I look on the inside and i dig deeper
I am not a Emo, and mosh head or a pot head
I am not an alcholic, or a binge drinker
I am no longer a smoker
A am not a back stabber or a loser
I do not judge or think the opposite
I try to not be a hypocrit
I listen to music and i relate
I read books and i get inspration
I watch movies and analyze life
And i watch society and i wonder
I write my stories
And i recite my poems
I wirte as i feel
and cry as i am over come
I love and can be loved
I have loved and have been broken
A will love and become stronger
And I should love but really dont want to
I am not a beauty, drag or prom queen
I am a leader, and supporter
I will follow and guide
And i will, pick up the broken peices
Theres a million peices of paper among my floor
and on those is words that
Explain or elaborate what i have felt
and where i was
Over time i have grown
Over time i have shaped
Over time, time was spent
On these thoughts
The wispers are gone
The suits that were white are gone
The cars no longer try to hit me
Moreso I try to hit them
My Wrists no longer bleed
My mind no longer black
The broken glass was cleaned up
and my mind was filled
Although i will tell you
there are still these walls
building higher and higher
As i learn to trust
Its a long walk
And a destined journey
All i need is help
And i want yours
J
Public entry posted on Friday May 9, 2008, 2:48 am Reply Delete Edit Report Top
Dead End
i dont know what you want me to do
It's like my entire world came crashing down
Im at a rock solid end
of my sunshine and gum drops parade
I mean i used to wonder what my purpose is
now i just feel as though i have no purpose
Whats the point in this gong show
Theres no one here to listen
Im clinging to a faith
But even that in itself is a battle
Theres not to much to live for these days
I've been in the same routine for 6 months
And this is prolly as raw and open as i will get
Theres no turning back now
I coming completely clean
I will show my insides
Casue i cannot cover anything up anymore
Theres no point
When i need the help
They need to know the entirety of the source
Theres no strings attached
No backing down
I'm standing up and going out
With a bullet thru the chest
All these normal people
look at me as though i am strange
What if your the strange one?/
What if your all the same
Maybe thats all im fighting for
is o step put on a limb
and go to the extremes of your
unworthy judgments and hypocritical statements
am unashamed of who i am
and i thought i knew where i was going
but al of a sudden it just stopped
A\Now instead of wondering
about the world
i am wondering about
my world and what just happened
How could this happen
I thought i was strong
I thought i was a tower
I thought i was rock solid
I thought there was nothing could take me down
now its as though
everyday is a struggle
everyday is a fight
everyday is a waste
What more you want me to do?
What more can i do
What more is there to do
When your facing a dead end?
J
May/08
i dont know what you want me to do
It's like my entire world came crashing down
Im at a rock solid end
of my sunshine and gum drops parade
I mean i used to wonder what my purpose is
now i just feel as though i have no purpose
Whats the point in this gong show
Theres no one here to listen
Im clinging to a faith
But even that in itself is a battle
Theres not to much to live for these days
I've been in the same routine for 6 months
And this is prolly as raw and open as i will get
Theres no turning back now
I coming completely clean
I will show my insides
Casue i cannot cover anything up anymore
Theres no point
When i need the help
They need to know the entirety of the source
Theres no strings attached
No backing down
I'm standing up and going out
With a bullet thru the chest
All these normal people
look at me as though i am strange
What if your the strange one?/
What if your all the same
Maybe thats all im fighting for
is o step put on a limb
and go to the extremes of your
unworthy judgments and hypocritical statements
am unashamed of who i am
and i thought i knew where i was going
but al of a sudden it just stopped
A\Now instead of wondering
about the world
i am wondering about
my world and what just happened
How could this happen
I thought i was strong
I thought i was a tower
I thought i was rock solid
I thought there was nothing could take me down
now its as though
everyday is a struggle
everyday is a fight
everyday is a waste
What more you want me to do?
What more can i do
What more is there to do
When your facing a dead end?
J
May/08
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