I Dream to Be a Rockstar...

Have you ever seen a rockstar. have you ever met a rockstar,. have you followed you favorite rockstars on tour, int he music vodeos, in real life, out at the bars, rocking out at the show. where they went, what they did, how they lived it. i dream of that. i kinda like to think i would be them in a another life. millions of fans, hundreds of photos, rumors, lies, scandals, reputations, everything. selling out huge arenas all over the world with songs riffs, synths, bass, a sound of its own. touring everyhwere. getting to see anything, having that direct route to anything and everythign i wanted and needed. pefforming giving out my all on ewvery stage every nite. for every dying fan. i love being a fan of my favorite bands. being right there front row, crammed against the bars amongs thousnads of other screaming fans. in that monent. taking it all in. Living my life in the moment really lets me miss nothing. i want to be there. and being at that height. it would be awesome.

thoughts thoughts thoughts.. questions. thoughts. random. one here antihero one there. lost in translation under a strange state of uncontent. willing to go as far as i can. but on the other hand. never letting go of what i feel i am being pulled away from.

See, i have older friends. i have those Friends who are in there 21...to 27-ish. they have had a full life just from listening to there past trials and tribulations and learning about there great efforts and successes. everything. and now these friends a=of mine are ready to settle. get down to the nitty gritty and throw it all onto he table. and i am superbly grateful and glad they have found tru honest love. i don't believe your First and your Absolute Last. i know ti wont happen. not on my case. so here are my friends willing to settle down.move ina dn live a good life with a signifigant other or person they have full and complete happiness with. i feel that way too. right her rigght now


but one thing you have to understand is.... im so indeisive and random almost too spontateous for my own good and sometimes when i get a single thought in my head. it will unravel itself so hard over some time. till the botter bone is showed. im already on that way there now. i feel it. slowly melting. almost coming to terms weith it, never faking it, cuz i wouldnt. i telit straight up;.

on the other hand waay to get rid of you quicker. out of my mind, out of this life. possibly not. even if i was to get killed tommorrwo for some odd reason of which i wouldn kno. i am positive i would come back later on, famously m ade and born in to a classic rock star. you wouldnt have to feel for me.

ill do all the shit i want to. i be as messed up as i want and i wont a have any one to clue in i never had a mother. and i can do this on my own. only becasue i originaly raised myself. so stopp savin me off teh street and lemme go. no need thus to worry. for thats wasteful

now a days its no more drugs, no more dance, no more of that "lifestyle" sounds like my mother and why am i letting this control me. i loved who iw as back then. i dealth with everyhting coming my way. the diuffernt pills altering different parts. being as free as the wind and a bird and the sun all around me all the time pounding miles of pavement everyday, every direction. this time i will be more well off. living in my own place. party every time all the time. downing whatever i can just to get there roadtrips to diferent pllace, foutians of weed., this is what i dream of.

of being in state. not living this dreary summer working nites. graveyard shift lonely hearing the voices haunting me lateely. wispers from places, shawdows int he dark. silence in unwelcone unlessic an understand and accept. im not stressed. why would i be stressed. i just want out a lil bit this week. dont mind my moods. you said you wuld always love me for ever. I'll let you kno when Forever begins to End...