Alright, so basically, this past weekend like completely rocked me off the wall solidly. i had fun but i also learned alot about me and my life. Through one special person close to my heart. alot has gone down this weekend. On Friday, i spent some time with Heather after she went to work i bussed home, contemplating what the weekend could hold. i got home and started cleaning, i got a huge pile of trash from my closet sitting right on front of where i could trip over it on my way into the room. so i got down and dirty and cleared all that out while cleaning out the rest of my garbage from ym room and reorganizing and stuff. Through all this i am talking to Ayla, and Doug, with Ayla i am conversing shit about the past, and telling her straight up i need to move on, i cant keep having false feelings for you when i clearly have feelings for someone else. and on dougs convosation we were talking about how the night would turn out and how it Is Tylers Birthday and we all want to go to a movie, he decides to come get me, and we head down to the Park to have Ice cream cake and then head out. Tylers such a fun guy, he so simplistic and easy going. always has something to say and so on. So through all this I'm telling ym GF that yeah, it would prolly end up being a pretty sober night for me ll in all, little did i know i was being dragged out to the Y and very vdery little did i know that there was an actual afterparty...
So here we are getting lost and going on adventures having deep talks me and douggy, after i had spilled my heart mind and doul on the table in front of Ayla. Me and douggy blazing and talking about friends, work and school..we get a Text asking if we want to buy K. By the time we get to the theater, doug has made arrangements for it to be deliverd and off we go. we re watching the movie Quarintine, it starts of pretty fast, the old lady is already bit and has rabies and is running around like a wild woman, then soon enough the entire apartment complex is shut down, closed off and every person including the fire fighters and those who entered to help out, are pretty well gonna die that night, there was no way on, and there is no way out without getting shot or killed, either way all of them are dyin. i thought it was a good movie and it was a movie that i needed to see, i wanted to watch a good blood, guts and gore movie sometime and who else to do it with then doug, tyler and Beau. :)
so from there, we head out to the Y, me and Tyler head in, its about 2:30 by now and were ready to go...we dance i sance my life away, it was great becasue the welcome i got taking two steps in that club, im like a celeberity and a best friend, i had like 6 peop[le jump up and out at me all around me calling mew out pulling me for a hug, i was so happy to see everyone there, all my friends if not everyone was out, well a few people werent out but somepeople who were counted as it. so it was one of the ghreatest nights, and doug had made me a deal to buy about 10-12 pills for our little party, worked out to be like 2-3 each...so Tarra had Peach Transofrmers kickin around she could locate, so she helped me out that way. and again i cintinued dancin, it was around the end when i found Luke and Tyler and all we did was Chill. Just sittin there, i was just bering there as Luke and Cody were in ther Hole, trying to get out...just sitting chillin upclose and persobnal of the person who was holding the afterparty after. so we all chilled and everyone came aorund said hi, sat for bit before going out dancing again. i loved it...
So we all get out of there, we gather everyone aaround and we head next door to the Coast Hotel, on the 20 th floor looking out to downtown...and out popped the Ketamine...and by 7:30 i was schwwacked out of my mind, wandering around...people ccming and going until it just boiled down tot he Crew in the End, shay was trying to Kick me out, but nope Luke invited me himself, so i was stayin. so were all chillin out hard in this hotel room all at differently hole levels and shit, so it was quite fantastic i thought but at the same time i had told my GF i would phone her, i didnt, i told her i was staying sober..and i didnt, and for three hits....i was on Keta mine mostly alone that nite. HEahter dosent like it and i can understand why. i mean it could be dirty and it dose mess you up qquite bad, and it dose some damage to E Brain, but its a drug, all drugs do that.
i eneded up phoneing her around 10:30 just to get hung up on when i told her, i think the main thing is i did tell her, and i could go through that experience of truly understnding how much i need a person and truly how much impact a person can have. i love my GF with all my heart if not more, shes been a huge light on my life recently and has heloped me out alot, but i also have been finding i have been turning into a baby and allowing her to mother me, more than anyone else. and i have also been making stupid and immature decidions and not doing things i really should be, like looking for antoerh job, getting my phone working, ect ect, and i let it go and yeah, i remember when i used to have a heavy head on my shouldes carefully thinking out stuff and then making decidiosns wisely, about having my own personalilty and not one thats catered to another, when i was on top of things and could think of things and have genuis ideas...alot has changed and alot needs to change.
i have gotten rid of the stress of Ayla and that whole deal, i dont care how much Dez could threat me, she wouldnt touch me with a ten foot pole, and my GF is my reverything and im not letting her go anywhere and i nee to clean up my act, by doing these things i can do, i need to be in control i ve been having way abstract dreams that never occur unless im not in control, im obviously not in contril so i need to step up and make that work going back to school, getttig a pt job, licence, cell phone/blackberry, ecte ct, saving up for at least a year so i can go back out on my own and not have the worry that i dont know who to talk to when things go hard.
so im starting that im getting active im going out and not procrastinating, im bringing ion some OCD soi can get that extra shove.
its started with me, its gonna end with me too, on a good note....not the way its going
i love my GF and i love my life, i need to make it better..
