furious,.

the silence is killin me. yet is really isnt silence. its a low humming of machinery as it cranks and cackles in this small space. cant hardly take it anymore. ready to go absolutely crazy. am going crazy. cant actually do the things i supposed to. cant focus. cant find motivation. all the thoughts in my head are louder than ever. i almost cant take it. i need to zen and focus. cant focus. falling asleep. cant even get a cup of coffee. cant do anything paralyzed in a trance of silence a nd noise clashing together. its unbearable. torture toa  soul like me. have nothing to do. cant do it. freaking out. need to focus. aurgh going in circles cant think. cant feel anytmore. people are the last thing i need to see. im freaking annoyed at life about now. you cant take this away from me. i needs it all the time. all the time.  this silence of my thoughts is dkilling me just as much. coz my voices gett ired of each other after a while and simmer down then the humm of the machines just intimidates me savagely. like a mouse in a cage i cant get out i cant do anything. tell me why you are doing this what did i ever do to you.

they've taken my music away from me. how dare they. how can they. some head guy just walks in a says no more music or you fail your mystery shops and your inspections even if you had a good score. like how the fuck is one supposed to find motivation in an environment like that. i just couldnt do it. worst 8 hours of my entire life. and my techno wouldnt to the same hing as having my music. like what did i do to deserve that. to me. the music helps me work and i hope they fuckking got the point. that im just tired of this. you dont take that one thing away from me. anything i can handle. no smoke breaks or more work. but take my music i will nto work i will nto doing a thing. i cant find the motivation to. not at all. i refuse. i hope you get it petro. or ima quit on you and then what are you gunna do. nothin coz you cant. you fail petro for keeping your employees happy and centent. this isnt contentment this is a lash out and a revloution! i dislike  your decisions reverse them for everyone involved becasue im not the only one here who hates this. everyone dose. it isnt fair. >.<

weird odd dream.

i was at work. i was locked in the back room with somebody i dont remember but there were bomber and robbers coming in thru the door hundred they made us hostage. but then i swithced to a different episode but samme place when i was behind the counter gettting prepped for some drill that was going to happen then it wasnt a drilll it was actually real and we didnt kno what to do. there was a huge vehical backed inside the store with a rounded edge. i dont remember much but there were people i knew, the color red, my place of work, in the back room and behind the counter.  and people in black. now its getting choppy as i try and reember it. i hate dreaming i never remember and my dreams are so fucked up and weird.

then i was in a house and someone was wating to get rid of my moles...

i hate this.

i fuckin hate being sick.
i hate having a chest cold worse then a head cold. actually ihate them both.
 chest colds give you the worst plhem in your chest and the worst cough.
and head colds give you the most stuffy nose and head and sinus pain. its like i go back and forth
 between them  all the time

i dont want to be sick anymore
 whreres the people who come to look after me!!

 i remember this time time i was sick, douggy came over and made me soup and watched some t.v with me.
i know some other people who stay far away and dont bother to come lookin for me
 even if i am dying like i am right now

 i kno how to look after myself
 but do i want to. no

 i want someone to come over with some homemade soup medicine and a few movies. and a box of kleenex.
i want someone to come tuck me in and drive me to the drug store for new meds. i want someone to feed me cough meds. i want someone to put on a movie for me. i just turn into the biggest baby when im sick. i get alll kinds of grumpy and all kinds of stupid too. and then when i dont get what i want i freak. this is me freaking out writing this blog entry. and no one cares either. i can rant and rave and ill just get poor jazz. poor jazz. blah blah fuckin blah. well fuck you world and your cold weather changes your gunna end up killing me eventually.

eff off.