well i need to write for a while. i need to figure out some shit. i got going on here. as you may of read i have a interest in this girl who is a friend of mine. you may also kno her husband also is like one of my best friends of the moment. well that's all great and awesome. He pushed us together alot. and well i apparently have the ability to charm people out of their pants. well that was how long ago i started writing about that. like way back in October she admitted she had a crush on me. and i went with it. i pushed it farther and farther to see how far we can get. well i broke all the barriers down single handled and now as of January 3rd we are an item. i was accepted into the 3 way relationship by him first then her not long after. well that's all great and awesome. i got me a hot new gf. and i get to keep my best Friend. in the end everyone wins. but dose everyone really win or is there a requirement of some form of absolute tolerance to meet. well lets see. she is a full time mom of 6 kids who btw absolutely adore me. they are always sad when i leave and are always excited when i return. that's awesome. i love kids we get along great. awesome. but i have already said i wont be doing nothing around them kids. like kiss or or touch her or whatnot. just to keep the innocence and questions at bay. especially when it comes to kids. well that's fine. awesome. well then when do i get to touch an hold and kiss her like i want to. after work, after she sits down on the couch and before she passes out for the night on my chest usually. that's like an hour tops. usually if I'm lucky we might have a conversation. until recently i used to love holding her while she sleeps. well not its getting alot redundant. because then after what ever movie we had watched i push her off me and she goes upstairs to bed. and we get to cuddle as we pass out. but a short 3 or 4 hours later shes right back up again. to look after them kids and make sure they get to school on time. yay. what happens after that i don't kno because then she usually passes out with him on the couch. i would wake up alone around 11 or so. . well awesome. ill drink my coffee and have my smokes maybe play the xbox. just get out of the way.. eventually she will get ready for work. for an hour and a half and then we would jet out. i obviously got nothing to say on the ride back to work. where i would get out and walk my ass home. I'm lucky to get a kiss these days. I'm even luckier to be able to touch her outside of the normal amounts i get to. which is like never. today me and her were supposed to go out to a bar tonite. to dance to have fun just us. her and me. i was really really really excited. i was looking forward to it all month. ever since i got the invite. and invited her and he wanted to go. i was counting on this night as our first date. coz if you think about it. she would of been planning to come to Victoria this weekend. for the week. again time for just her and i. just us to. forgetting the husband and kids for a bit. i just want some one on one time. just a bit. but i don't kno where that comes in on a relationship like this one. shes gone on about 4 or 5 other dates with him since we started this thing. great. awesome. i get that its very important. but now m starting to feel lefted out. like in just barely hanging out on the side. now tonite i ave been replaced and stood up coz everyone broke. and now Jen's going back home tonite to hang out with him alone again. . i think its time i laid low for a long while. make her want me again. stop going over every night. stop texting her just enough to make her show concern. my phone could get cut off any minuet now. and it would help me. i don't know how to say i just want some time with her. when she doesn't have to sleep or chase after kids or have her husband making deep conversation on the cell phone. ultimately distracting her from me. maybe this isn't working out really. maybe I'm failing here all over again. maybe i need to back out. for good. i want to love her. but it the balance that she needs to love. we work out well but i want some time for just her and me to take in a nice dinner and movie with out distraction and excuses. I'm really thinking hard about just calling it all off. and heading out for a while. let it freeze over before someone gets hurt. id rather take the fall then them. for really this is all my fault tin the first place.