guess whos back

My mind is dark and tainted
Theres echos in my head
I really try not to listen
but there telling me instead.

Vacat this place not of enviornment
But of your soul as well
They also say I am too weary
To possibly carry on alone

As I sit here and analyze this fact.
Ive been alone the whole time
So maybe my thoughts
Really are the only escape of my demise.

So isolated and caged
Away like some randy lion
The character who lives
In my head return to his place again

Above my left temporal lobe
It swells coz I cant keep it under wraps
He entered my life again this time
And now hes really laughing

I know he wont be here long.
I just need to get better.
Like a recovery from a drug
Her love was a drug

Now step away child and be free
Your guy is here to help
Do not be scared he wispers
But I cringe at the sound of the voice.

Hes made his mark here times before
Never realy settling in for good.
Like a ghost that reappears
When my life compleately fails on me .



I can try and run away
But they will keep following.
Lie I have a tracing device on me.
I probably do

Someones out there watching me
Someone wants to get me
Just hide away and don’t look back
They wont even know your gone.

Is this a disese or a melody.
Should I really be scared or just lose hope
Nevermind me ill just go woth a flow
Prentend everything is alright.

Ive been here before I can talk him down
I know what not to believe.
But when you smackdown your last standing real live friend
It really strts to irk you that you realyhad no control over that.

You let him control you.
You succumbed to his demise.
You let him control you
How far will you go


So now whaat do you do
Do you need a doctor or will this pass to.
I am a stronger person I can say
But thisis my only real battle.

It gets bad like I say
Other times its ok
This time its getting hard.

Ill win it. When I get out of here.
Just this town is a slick
cesspool of toxic avengence
just waiting to get uncanned.



I cant go back
I must go forward
I must move on fully and gracefully
Makes it seem so easy


^^

i found myself in a day where nothing happens.
sleep is the flavor and getting high is the point.
laying around in a cesspool of interruppted thoughts
i mange to raise myself like the dead
i eat no good. my body probably destroying itself
the means to make me stronger. are
not in contact with the being of myself

every waking moment i try and think of
a good reason to keep fighting life.
when everything i own is going thru the stages of lost
my life slowly shattering infront of me
my plans slightly detterred in a way that strangles my
drive and emotion about everyhting that matters

things should matter more.
i should care more.
everything is carefree
i feel alone all day and all night.

shes so gone

the last two years of my life have been perfect. for me. had a girl who loved me to peices and the world could not break our bond. we had the good times and the bad times too. but it all seems a blur now that its all over. ive been single for three weeks now and everyday is a different story. some days i feeel like dying. other i want to feel really angry. some days i wish i was in a dream and it wasnt real and she hadnt broken up with me and we were going to be married. other times i look back and say was i drunk or high?? well mostly i was. mostly she mother the hell out of me and i loved it. everything was looked after. there was nothing left. i hardly had to think. and well maybe i stopped thinking long enough. she says its would be good for me. thats she was think ing about me. she dosent want to hold me back. how can she hold me back when shes not even here to hold me up? it feels like a bridge caved in arounsd my heart. everything was bliss and easy. then BAM! it falls apart. like a rusty nail gave in and destroyed everything. ruins i stand in. the dust settles and i got nothing left. shes all moved out. she moved out last friday. this week has been hell on me. coming home after work. shes not there. her cars gone. the colorful window is gone. my walls are bare. i feel empty. and she leaves behind the meaning ful cards i wrote to her as a token of her appreciation for our relationship. or as a sign she dosent want tobe bothered again down the road. she wishes to forget about me. she only wishes i would leave sooner so she can go date and fuck that anna kidd. i still thinkin there was some messing around done there. nothing can take back my thoughts. no words can be said tht will change my mind. we still hang out alot. we cuddled today. it felt good. i miss it so much. i cried again around her. i wish i was strong enough again to not cry around her. i wish i could look at her again normally. i wish i could kiss her lips. everyday i widh this was a dream and one day ill wake up and everytinbg was better agian. she was here in my arms. ill never take her for granted again. ill grow up i promise. ill be better. i want you back. @